


You drive me crazy.

by skyblue993



Series: YDMC. [1]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013), The Fosters (TV 2013) RPF
Genre: (Maybe in later chapters), AU, Angst, Boys Kissing, College Life, Connor is an asshole sometimes, Crush, Drama, First Love, Flirty!Connor, Fluff and Smut, Future Fic, High School AU, Humour, Jonnor - Freeform, Love, M/M, OOC, Parties, Sexual Content, Some good moments too, The title of this fic may not be referring to the characters, Time Jump, frustration ahead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 01:10:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 37,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6544327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblue993/pseuds/skyblue993
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude is a seventeen years old boy, his innocence is put at risk when he meets Connor Stevens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jude Adams Foster had always been the most unpopular kid at Anchor Beach high school.  
He'd always been so polite, quiet and uptight and it always been his biggest flaw.  
"Hey Jude!" A shrill, cheery voice broke his incessant stream of thoughts. The  edgy voice belonged to Taylor Thomas who was approaching him with a kind smile on her lips. Since they had been paired up for the science project they became best buddies, even though Jude wasn't exactly the most talkative kid on the planet.  
"Hey."  
They started walking towards the school's entry and Jude frowned slightly when he heard Taylor giving a snort.  
"What?"  
She just kept walking ahead with her head held high.

“Jason.” She simply replied, rolling her eyes. Jude felt anger rising up from the pit of his stomach.

“Again with that ass, Tay? Really?” She sighed, letting out a strained laugh.

“Don't judge.” She retorted to his friend. “Have you ever been in love?” She asked bitterly, before she had to point out the obvious. “No. So.. don't judge if you don't know how crushes work.”

Jude felt hurt by her bitter behaviour towards him. It was true that He was unexperienced and at the age of seventeen he hadn't had his first kiss yet, but he just wanted to protect a friend from getting hurt.

“I'm sorry..” She said as she suddenly stop walking. “I Didn't mean to act like a bitch towards you.”

Jude just nodded, not sure about what to say; She had a point, he'd never been in love or had a crush on someone. There were cute boys in his grade but he never felt real interest towards any of them , it was also due to the fact that he didn't exactly feel like he was on the "Bachelor" ;Sadly there wasn't a line of guys out there whose only purpose is to win him over.

“He's always playing hot and cold. It's so frustrating.” She sighed defeatingly, running her fingers through her blond locks. She suddenly quit yapping when the object of their conversation hugged her from behind, lacing his arms around her waist.

“Hey Babe” Jason said, kissing her on the cheek, then he addressed to Jude. “Hey, man.”

“Hi Jason.” Jude replied politely, he hated that guy because he was so full of himself ;He represented The classic dickhead jock.

“So.. babe, do you remember my friend from UCSD?”

“Connor right?”

Jason nodded, giving a quick glance towards Jude with a mischievous smirk forming on his lips, before saying:

“Yeah.. He wants to hang out tonight..” Taylor didn't let him finish the sentence, she rolled her eyes cutting him off by saying. “I'm not going to be the third wheel between you and your bro.” She groaned, voice filled with annoyance.

“No.. babe..you totally got it wrong. I was thinking that we could hang out.” He said giving a nod with his head towards Jude, who shifted uncomfortably on his spot. “As a group.” he added with fake innocence in his voice.

“Jude, what do you think?” She asked him with disquiet in her voice. She was concerned because she knew how Jude hated when It came to hang out with her boyfriend. She never asked why because she knew that she wasn't going to get an answer, But Jude remembered what that douchebag put him through. The thought of him hanging out with Jason , even if there were going to be two more people with the , made him very uncomfortable because it did nothing but remind him all those years being bullied by him.

“You know Jude.. my friend, Connor really would like to meet you.” He said getting his attention. He stared at him With his classic smirk still planted on his lips as he said: “I showed him your picture, and he would really like to.. know you.”

Jude felt flattered as a strange feeling started blossoming through his chest.

“He's interested in me?” Jude asked with shock in his voice, pointing his fingers against his chest. Jason nodded, dislodging his arms from Taylor's waist, facing Jude.

“Yeah..” he said, side hugging him. The touch made Jude feel nauseate so he gently pulled away. Jason smirked, pulling out his phone from his pocket, showing him his friend's picture.

He let out an amused laugh watching Jude's reaction. His plump lips parting in surprise, letting out a inaudible gasp.  
“Holy Hell.” Jude thought, staring at the picture. The guy was an applepie and Jude couldn't help but craving a taste. He felt immediate attraction towards him, it had never happened before. He was feeling some strange, unknown sparks running through his body. It felt like something big shifted within him, like his body was finally awakening from Lethargy.

“This guy wants to meet me?” Jude breathed out, still feeling dumbfounded by such a shocking news.

“Yes.”  
Jude was struggling very hard, trying to utter the words out of his lips. “So.. T-this means that-”

“He's gay.” Jason cut him off, showing a fake smile to his girlfriend. Jude swallowed, feeling his mouth going dry. “Damn.” He thought, still astonished by the intensity of Jason friend's smile.  
“It's just a pic.. get a grip.” His brain screamed at him, calling him desperate and pathetic but Honestly, in that moment Jude couldn't give a crap. He was seventeen and gay, that spoke for its self.

“What time tonight?” He asked eagerly, as one of the most gorgeous smile ever seen on Jude Adams Foster face lit up on his lips.

 


	2. Chapter 2.

Jude was getting ready, carefully picking up his best outfit for the occasion when a rush of anxiety started creeping through his body while he was waiting for Connor to pick him up with his car, along with Taylor and Jason. His phone buzzed on the nightstand and with a smile on his lips he opened the text message; It was Taylor telling him to get his ass out of the house.

"Mama I'm going out." Lena was smiling out of happiness, she was enthusiastic that Jude finally started going out with friends instead of spending the whole day hidden in his room. He kissed her on the cheek before heading out of the door. He felt his heart losing beats as he was slowly approaching a black volvo. "Holy fuck." He thought as he stood near the small group of people, standing outside of the car.

"Jude!" Taylor greeted him happily, He hugged her quickly before turning his attention towards the rest of them.

"Hey Jude!" Jason said with the indistinguishable dick tone in his voice. He was side hugging, the boy he recognized as Connor who was staring at him with a listless expression on his face.

"So.. This is Connor." He said introducing his friend while giving a light squeeze on Jude's shoulder. "And this is Jude."

"Hi." Connor mumbled with low, detached voice. "Nice to meet you." For some odd reason, to Jude, it didn't feel that way. At all.

"Hello.." He replied with the same low voice, his hopes were crashing down in one split second. "It was too good to be true." Jude thought " how could he be interested in someone like me?" 

"Let's get going!" Jason announced heading towards the back seats, holding Taylor's hand.

"Wait." Connor turned around looking at him with wide eyes.

"Um.. So, I'm sitting in the front seat ?" He asked feebly and Connor let out an amused snort. "Don't worry.. I'm definitely not going to bite you.” His voice was so bitter that made Jude's stomach clench.

"Ouch. " Jude Thought feeling hurt by the sourness of his tone and the coldness of his eyes.

 They got inside of the car and Jude wanted just wanted to be at home in that moment rather than being stucked into the “Jerk machine”. He looked straight ahead of him throughout the whole ride and despite the unmotivated asshole's behaviour towards him, he could swear that Connor was stealing glances at him once in a while, he tried to ignore him and the two "lovebirds", viciously making out in the backseats.

"Where are we going?" He asked breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm taking you in the woods so that you can be sacrificed" Connor replied with the same flat tone, he let out an amused laugh probably thinking it was a good joke, it wasn't. Jude was feeling annoyed with each passing minute. 

"He's such a jerk." Jude thought snorting as he was keeping his gaze focused on the road.

They finally reached their destination; it was a small park where, Jude realized, he used to go with Callie and his parents when they were kids.

“Have you decided to spend the whole evening in the car?” Connor's bitchy voice snapped him back into reality; He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize that everyone already got out of the car. He opened the door, feeling the warm breeze blowing through his hair.

Jason held Taylor's hand as they were walking ahead of Jude and Connor. They followed the couple through a path of trees, leading the four of them towards a secluded spot away from noise and people, and light, Jude realized.

 “Jason told me you're going to UCSD.” Jude said, well aware that the chances of having a conversation with Connor were weak and almost nonexistent. 

He was right, Connor Just gave him a nod so Jude stayed in complete silence as they kept walking. The boy was cute, very cute.. more than cute, but he was as talkative as a a brick wall. He was giving him the impression that he wanted to be anywhere but there and that made Jude feel a constricting, unpleasant feeling spreading through his chest.

Jude shook his head, letting out an involuntary snort which went totally unnoticed by the way.

“Why are you snorting?” Jude just shrugged. They kept following the couple until they sat down on a very small sized bench that clearly couldn't fit more than two people.

“There's another bench over there.” Jason pointed out, winking at his friend who clearly wasn't thrilled or jumping for joy at the proposition.

“Jason..” He groaned, his voice filled with warn. 

"Come on dude.” Connor rolled his eyes, groaning as he started walking, leaving Jude behind him. Jude wasn't thrilled to be stuck, sitting on a bench with a guy that clearly wasn't interested in spending some time alone with him but he still followed him, awkwardly leaving some safe distance between the both of them. 

As they were sitting in complete silence for what felt like forever, Jude wanted nothing more than go home. He wasn't expecting that awkwardness since Jason said..  “Wait a minute, Since when I trust whatever comes out of that filthy mouth?” He suddenly felt like that was only a set up, another sick game whose only goal was to embarass him. He shifted uncomfortably on the bench, his shoulders went rigid as his breath started coming out of his parted lips through short shallow puffs of air. The realization hit him like a kick in the stomach.

He glanced at the boy sitting on the same bench, gasping when he caught Connor looking at him intently. Jude cleared his throat, feeling a warm blush creeping on his cheeks.

When Connor looked away, letting out a sound out of his throat very similar to a distressed groan Jude thought  "Okay, this is the the last straw." he would have put a end to his agony in that exact moment.

“I should have known” Jude laughed bitterly as he stood up from the bench; He had enough. He walked past the path of trees feeling the absolute need to get away from that place.

Being unwanted was awful enough. Connor's behaviour did nothing but reminding him that he wasn't interested and he was looking forward to end that pathetic soirèe; It was clear like day. He hastened his steps, ignoring Taylor's pleas to come back ; he just kept walking until a forceful hand was holding him by his wrist, turning him around.

At the touch of Connor's hand on his skin Jude felt hot, steamy warmth settling in his chest. He couldn't help but enjoy the blissful feeling of his touch on his skin. He lifted up his gaze and his eyes widened noticing, for the first time that night, Connor's almost constipated expression shifting into a neutral one, he looked almost scared.

Jude was unsure if that was due to the light of the moon above them or the undetectable hint of smile on his lips but when Connor started leaning in, closing his eyes, Jude couldn't help but follow the lead. He felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest realizing that their lips were just few inches apart. He slowly opened his eyes , meeting Connor's hazel ones, they looked into each other's eyes and Jude inhaled deeply feeling Connor's hot breath upon his lips. He couldn't detect what was going through his head; Connor was a fucking mystery to him but still, when he closed the distance between them, Jude stayed completely still as Connor lips started moving gently against his own.

 


	3. chapter 3.

When Jude opened his eyes, he was met with Connor's hazel ones looking at him almost in disbelief.

His lips parted as to say something but unfortunately their moment was quickly interrupted by Taylor's squeaky voice echoing through the silence of the park.

“Jude!” The said boy turned his face watching Taylor running towards them as Connor quickly pulled away from him, taking few steps backwards.

“What the hell dude.” She panted, letting out a deep breath. “Why were you leaving?” Jude took a glance at Jason, who was walking behind her with an extremely pissed expression on his face, probably mad because their make out session was abruptly interrupted.  
“Um..” Jude started stuttering; He couldn't explain what was going through his head without embarassing himself in front of Connor's eyes. What was he going to say, anyway?

_Yeah.. I was going home because this guy here is a monumental asshole?_

“Did we interrupt something?” Jason inquired. Jude noticed that the pout on his lips had quickly turned into a teasing smirk. He snorted at Jason's antics; He just knew how to piss him off. He'd majored in that particular department over the years.

Connor bursted out in laughter as his fists collided jokingly with Jason's shoulder.

“Nah dude. I just didn't want this child to get into trouble.”

“ _Child?!”_ Jude thought letting out a quiet snort. _“Me? Child? You kissed the fucking child! You asshole child kisser!”_ Jude frowned at his own mindless thoughts. _“ What the hell am I even saying?!”_

“Jude can take care of himself.” Taylor pointed out as she narrowed her eyes, glaring at the blond guy,  
“It was just a joke.” Connor retored stealing glances at Jude. Truth to be told, Jude was an extremely sensitive boy, Connor wouldn't have known but his words and his behaviour hurt him deeply.

“We should go.” Jude mumbled with a low pitch in his voice; everyone agreed, so in complete silence they got back to the car even though Taylor's concerned gaze never left him.

The ride home was extremely quiet and frankly Jude preferred it that way. His gaze was glued on the road but he could feel Connor's persistent gaze on him. He frowned when Connor turned off ingine and he realized that they'd stopped at Taylor's house.

“Thanks for the ride Connor.” Taylor said getting out of the car; Jason followed after her since his house was 5 minutes away from Taylor's.

“No no no no no no.” Jude tried to keep his face still and neutral, but it was hard to and of course Connor noticed.

“I'm not gonna eat you, _Little Red Riding hood_.” His annoying voice broke the awkward silence but Jude decided to ignore his existance as he kept looking out of the window.

“Was it your first kiss?” Jude's face turned so quickly. he seriously feared in a dislocation of his neck.

“What?” His face was completely red as he was staring at Connor with huge, dilated eyes. Connor kept his focus on the road. “You were.. awkward.” He replied with voice filled with fake mock and amusement.

“Awkward.” Jude repeated, letting out a humorless laugh. That guy was extremely annoying to Jude and he was looking forward to get home.

“Well.. I'm sorry if I wasn't up to your standard.” Jude replied as his eyes widened at his own sarcasm. 

“If we were texting I would have replied LOL.”  
“I'd really love to laugh because I feel so bad for you and your lame jokes; but I really can't, what comes out it's just.. air.”  
“As long as it comes out of your mouth.” Connor replied, snickering.

“W-wh-” Jude couldn't finish his sentence, feeling a knot in his throat.. _he didn't just say that_.

“Oh my God.. You... I can't with you, seriously.” Connor kept laughing as they approached Jude's house. He stopped the car, turning off the ingine before shifting on his seat, looking straight at Jude. Connor smirked because even though Jude was extremely pissed and discouraged, he didn't make a move to get out of the car infact he kept sitting there staring absentmindedly ahead of him.

“You really like my car don't you?” Connor laughed with a light, joking tone in his voice.  
“It's cute.” Jude replied, facing him as he turned on his seat. Connor's eyebrows furrowed in interest. “Cute?” Jude nodded, taking few minutes to admire the soft features on Connor's face, totally different from the cold hearted guy he was standing across from him in the park.

“I guess I don't need my car alarm anymore, Since you like to spend so much time sitting in my car.” Jude rolled his eyes, reaching with his hand to the car handle. “Bye.” He was already getting out when Connor's hand pulled him back in.

“W-” His words were muffled by Connor's tongue in his mouth. After few seconds of total shock, Jude relaxed on his seat as Connor's hand pulled him closer by his neck. He closed his eyes, enjoying the fuzzy feeling provoked by Connor's tongue moving in his mouth. Jude had never kissed anyone before that night, and his fist kiss had been way more innocent than that, so he just let Connor lead the way.

He felt agitated because he knew that his kissing skills were lame and almost nonxistent, _Totally nonexistent,_ and he was aware that he would had never gave Connor the immense pleasure his tongue was giving him, by sliding in and out of his mouth, but still.. when he heard Connor's soft moans he felt a dizzy warm feeling settling in his lower stomach as his pants got a bit tighter than usual.Connor's lips were intoxicating, Jude'd never felt that intense sensation running all over his body throughout his entire life; It was warm, exciting, new.

He moaned softly as Connor's lips did the trick by sucking on his tongue and biting on his lips and Jude couldn't help but tugging at the blond strands of Connor's hair even tighter.

Jude felt like drawning, he knew that he had to breathe but still,he couldn't stop, he didn't want to stop.

Finally Connor pulled away and he gave a gentle laugh when Jude gasped loudly, looking at him with huge eyes. Their faces were inches away and Jude felt the most intense wave of arousal spreading through him, making him feel weak, at the sight of Connor's hazel eyes clouded with something he couldn't quite place.  
He lowered down his eyes, gasping when he noticed that he wasn't the only one feeling hard. “ _hunger.”_ Jude realized, Connor eyes were filled with hunger. That surprised Jude even more leaving him with hundreds of questions running through his head.

“See you around.” Connor breathed out, pulling away as he straightened himself on his seat without even looking at him; The coldness was back.

“Sure..” Jude replied stepping out of the car as an unpleasant feeling spread through his chest. “Bye.” Connor gave him a nod of his head in reply, turning on the engine.

Jude stood on the sidewalk, watching the black volvo leaving as millions of thoughts were spinning through his head at a mile a minute.

 


	4. Chapter 4.

Jude couldn't help but think about the previous night over and over again as he was sitting at his desk, barely paying attention to the teacher. He kept repeating within himself that he'd made the right decision when he'd told Taylor, that morning, that he didn't want to have nothing to do with such character.

He'd always warned Taylor about that “Hot and cold” kind of guys, people like them were just toys in their hands, like some stuffled dolls to play with and then throw it away. Connor gave him that impression, so when Taylor asked him if he was up to go to the movies “as a group” that night, he'd gently declined the offer.

The bell finally rang so Jude picked up his books getting out of the classroom, ready to head home. His mouth fell open in surprise when he recognized the familiar black volvo waiting for him outside of the school building.

“Hey.”

Jude looked up as his eyes went blown wide when Connor Stevens greeted him. He looked glorious leaning cooly against the car's door. “What are you doing here?” Jude's voice came out cold and edgy. He probably sounded rude but he couldn't help it. He was both extremely frustrated and confused by the sudden politeness coming from the blond boy.

“I thought you'd like to go grab some lunch. ” Connor replied with soft voice as he shrugged. He kept looking at him with a puzzled expression written all over his face as Jude shifted uncomfortably on his spot.

“With me?” He asked with uncertainty, pointing with his finger at his chest as surprise was filling his voice.

“Um.. Yeah, I mean, I've just asked you.” Connor replied, trying his best not to roll his eyes. It was clear, the 'You're an idiot' Expression on Connor's face was giving it away.

“It's okay if you don't want to.” Connor rushed to say, noticing the insecurity flashing across Jude's eyes.

“It's not that I don't want to..” Jude finally spoke, throwing him a nervous look. “I just..”

 _Just say it_.. his brain was screaming at him. _'You've been a jerk to me throughout the whole night and I don't want to be your toy.'_  Just say it.

“Okay.” Jude sighed after endless seconds of internal debate between his heart and his head; he wanted to listen to his head, suggesting that it was inevitable for him to get hurt at some point. Boys like Connor were unpredictable and would have eaten, people like him alive; but the thrilling sensation of doing something out of his character, feeling the tingling sensation spreading through his chest at Connor's proximity, his smell intoxicating his brain, the feel of his plump lips pressed against his until his sight was completely blurred... He sighed again as he climbed in, trying to ignore the judgment voice of the rational part of him calling himself a wuss. The whole discussion about being stronger that that and resisting his charm, literally flew outside of the window car when his eyes locked with Connor and his smell exploded through his senses, making him feel lightheaded.

“So..” Connor said, looking at him through the corner of his eye as he turned on the engine. “Where to, _Miss_?”

Jude let out a small laugh “Are you going all Titanic on me?” Connor let out a genuine giggle and Jude couldn't help but think that he liked the sound of his laugh. It was nice and contagious.

“ How about McDrive?” Jude proposed. “Everything works fine.”

“McDrive it is..” Connor agreed. His gaze was focused on the road but once in a while he turned his face to throw quick glances at Jude.

“Why?” Jude suddenly asked, breaking the silence as Connor frowned in confusion. Jude elaborated his thoughts by saying. “I.. just want to know the reason behind this.. “ _Date? Friendly encounter?_

“..Hang out?” Connor guessed as his eyes were still glued on the road, unaware of Jude rolling his eyes.

“Yes.. Hang out.” Jude repeated, putting emphasis on the last word.

“I can always drive you home you know.” Connor replied nervously, tightening the grip of his hand on the steering wheel. “ I don't want to force you into spending time with me if you don't want to.” He replied bitterly with a slight hint of hurt in his voice.  
“Forcing me?!” Jude replied, his mouth falling open in surprise. He was feeling all the bottled up frustration from the previous night rising up from the pit of the stomach and flying out of his mouth. “Wasn't it you with the constipate expression all over your face, last night?” Jude's eyes widened at his own, harsh tone. He'd never been that rude to anyone, never. Connor was able to bring the most exciting sensation out of his body and the worst part of him at the exact same time; he was so frustrating and annoying and..fucking beautiful.

“Listen. I-” Connor let out a loud groan as he turned off the engine. Jude realized they arrived in the Mcdonald's parking lot. He shifted on his seat, facing Jude. “No one knows I'm gay, except for Jason.. and you, I guess.”

“You guess..” Jude repeated, letting out a small laugh as he rolled his eyes.

“Would you let me finish talking?” Connor groaned, rolling his eyes. “Damn you're quiet, but you're a serious pain in the ass.”

“Go ahead. ” Jude conceded, facing him on the same position.

“You're the first boy I've ever kissed.” Connor admitted, lowering down his gaze as a soft blush spread on his cheeks as Jude felt his heart stopping its beat.   
“Wow.” Jude gasped, letting out a nervous laugh as he was nervously scratching the back of his neck. “I didn't see that coming.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well... you're very skilled.” Jude mumbled as he felt his face getting flushed at the memory of his kisses.

Connor nodded, smiling softly. “ This is.. new to me. But..”  
“..but? ” Jude urged him to continue his sentence. From the way Connor was blushing it was something important. Connor sighed, lifting up his eyes as he said. “I couldn't stop thinking about our kiss and.. it kinda set me off.”  
Jude let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding as he felt his face getting even redder.

“Can I?” Connor's shaking voice made Jude snap back into reality.

“What?”

“Kiss you again?” Jude nodded without even thinking about it twice, Connor's smell was addictive. He couldn't help but lean in, meeting his lips halfway.

He let out a soft moan when Connor's tongue wet his lips trying to coerce him into opening his mouth. Jude's lips parted, letting Connor's tongue to creep inside of his mouth. The dance of their tongues, twirling and moving against each other was making him feel lightheaded. Jude, indeed, was feeling a warmth settling into his chest and a swelling bulge trapped inside of the soft fabric of his pants. Jude didn't dare to pull away, he kept kissing him, clinging onto him, dreading the moment of their bubble bursting.

Connor pulled away after a while leaving the both of them breathing heavily, still pressed against each other.

“Wow.” Jude breathed out, his chest rising and falling heavily as he let out soft pants. Connor just smiled as his hand was gently caressing the short hair at the nape of Jude's neck. Jude didn't know what to think, he wanted more than anything ask if that was another one of their random making out or more.

“Baby steps.” Connor murmured while looking straight into Jude's glossy eyes, like he was reading Jude's thoughts.

“W-what?”

“Let's see.. where this goes, okay?”

“Romantic.” Jude commented, rolling his eyes.  
“Of my fucking God.” Connor groaned, followed by a soft laugh escaping from his lips.

“What do you mean with 'let's see where this goes?” Jude asked as a deep frown creeped on his face.

“Let's live it day by day. ” at the confusion flashing across Jude's face, Connor added. “I've never been into a committed relationship, plus, We just met yesterday.. let's take things slow.." Connor said with a serious expression on his face. Jude wasn't the kind of guy who would have ever accepted to have a fling, but at the same time he'd never felt anything nearly close to what he was feeling when he was with Connor... He knew he'd to follow his heart, he was aware that it was dangerous and There was the 98% chance of him, ending up with his heart shattered in million pieces but, Jude thought in the moment when Connor's eyes were shining brightly into his, there was almost almost a nonexistent chance that maybe, everything could have gone well. Was it worth to try, right?

“Okay..” Jude said, even though he felt a strange forebolding creeping through his senses, that he totally shut down when Connor smiled by the way.

“Yeah?” Connor's smile was blinding and it totally helped Jude into making his decision.

“Yes. Let's see where this goes.”


	5. chapter 5.

Connor kept stealing glances at him as Jude kept sliding his fries between his parted lips.

Connor had already devoured his burger and once in a while he was stealing Jude's fries, slowly sliding it between his lips. At some point Jude started doubting that Connor stealing his food had nothing to do with real hunger, not when he was smirking like that, sensually biting at the fries before sliding it inside of his mouth as his lustful gaze was never leaving Jude's face.

“Um..” Jude, cleared his throat, looking away as a soft blush creeped on his cheeks, his breathing slowing down.  
“What?”

“You're staring at me.” Jude pointed out, letting out a nervous laugh.

“So?” Connor retorted as he swallowed down another fries down his throat. He smirked, keep glancing at Jude as his plump lips were wrapped around the straw of his coke cup, sucking eagerly. He was loving this game, apparently; He was loving making Jude feel all flushed and bothered.

“Nothing.” Jude shrugged, letting out a sigh as his hand grabbed a bunch of fries.

It was almost five Pm and they had been eating and stalling in Connor's car for the past hour.

“Are you going to drive me home, now?”

Connor shrugged, turning on the engine. “If you want to..” Jude felt a fluttering feeling, spreading through his stomach, at the sound of Connor's voice. Was Connor hoping to hang out with him a little longer?

“I was thinking about tagging along with Jason and Taylor..” Connor said, looking briefly at Jude through the corner of his eyes. His voice sounded so small and low pitched.

“ To the movies?”

“She mentioned it to you? ”

“Yes..” At the time, it didn't seem like a really good idea.. but in that moment, thinking about it..

“Do you want to go?”

“Why not..” Connor shrugged as he pulled into the freeway. “It could be fun..” His eyes were sparkling with a mischievous light that went totally unnoticed by Jude and made his heart beating irregulary.

“ It's a plan, then.” Jude murmured , pulling out his phone, texting Taylor that they would have joined the couple at the movies that night, and sending a text to his moms letting them know about the change of plans.

The ride was filled with complete silence, the only audible sound was their heavy breathing, then Jude broke the silence. “Where are we going?” his voice was filled with anxiety, the road was completely unknown to Jude and it was kinda setting him off.

“We're stopping by my dorm room, I need to change.” Connor uttered, glancing at Jude's preoccupied expression. The frown of confusion on Connor's face quickly turned into an amused smirk. “What? You think I'm going to kill you and throw your body into the woods?”

Jude's eyes widened in shock as outrage was flashing across his face. “That's dark, man.”

“I think your scrawny frame would fit perfectly in a body bag.” Connor said, his voice filled with amusement. He was clearly enjoying creeping Jude out.

“Would you stop?” Jude groaned as shivers were running down his spine. “That's not funny.”

Connor found it hilarious. He started laughing as he parked his car.

“Be careful tonight..” he said as they both got out of the car. Jude stopped on his steps, waiting for Connor to step around the car. “About what?” Jude asked as he realized that his pulse was speeding up, Because of the dark humour but mostly because of Connor's proximity leaving him breathless.

Connor looked around and when he'd made sure that no one was around, he leaned in. Jude gasped when their lips were only few inches apart.

“... Alone, sitting in the back of the movie theatre, in the dark..” He breathed out, staring intently at Jude's parted lips.

“ What's the worst thing that could happen?” Jude asked, gulping. His breath was slowing down just thinking about the possibilities..

Connor shrugged, slightly pulling away. He gave a quick glance around, before leaning in, whispering in Jude's ear. “You could be lucky, or not.”

Jude felt himself shivering for the promise filling Connor's words and the blissful feeling of his lips brushing the shell of his ear. His chest felt full and heavy, his breathing getting faster and his pulse racing when finally Connor's lips touched his dry ones in a light, chaste peck.

“Come on.” Connor smiled, pulling away. “This way.” He started walking leaving Jude behind, still dumbfounded on his spot.

“Do I have to carry you, Princess?” Jude snapped back into reality and he rushed after Connor who smiled satisfied when he noticed the copious blush spreading on Jude's cheek.

Connor led the way into his room and Jude couldn't help but notice how neat that place was.  
“This is so neat..” Jude pointed out, letting out a soft laugh. Connor rolled his eyes, sitting on his bed. “Maniacally neat.” He added. _It's almost creepy_ , Jude realized, looking around himself.

His eyes widened, staring at the positions of the books placed on the shelfs; They were sorted by colors and size. He gave a glance at the wooden desk on his left, next to another tiny bed, and he asked Connor. “Where's your roommate?” Connor snorted while he was picking some clean clothes out of his drawers.

“Oh.. trust me, it's for the best when he's not around.” Connor's reply tickled Jude's curiosity. He sat on the bed and as soon as his ass touched the mattress, Connor's eyes widened. “Get up!”

Jude's first instinct was to get up immediately but as soon as he stood up, confusion was written all over his face.

“He's a weirdo.” Connor replied, gesturing towards his bed. “Sit down here, please.”

Jude nodded, still feeling shaken by Connor's nervous pitch filling his voice as he reached towards the bed, sitting down.

“Are you sharing your room with a psyco?” Jude asked while preoccupation was slightly creeping through his body.

“He's.. weird.” Jude frowned. “And exactly what do you mean by saying that he's weird?”

Connor opened his mouth, ready to answer when the door of his dorm room swung open.

“Hey, Connor!” a squeaky voice made Jude turn around, confusion grew further across his face when he noticed the small, shorty guy coming through the room.

“Oh.. hello! Who are you?” He asked stepping forward and Jude bit his lips, trying to refrain a colorful laugh.

“Hi.. I'm Jude.” The smile on the nerdy guy grew wide as he introduced himself. “Nice to meet you, Jude! I'm Gary!”

Gary's eyes looked around the room and his smile quickly faded when he stepped towards his bed, looking carefully at the mattress and with eyes blown wide he maniacally started lifting the sheets, where Jude's ass was sitting just a while before his cameo.

Jude's eyes found Connor's who was still picking his clothes, he tried to refrain a laugh when Connor mouthed to Jude. “He's so weird.” With a desperate expression on his face.

“So, Jude..” Connor rolled his eyes. The 'here we go' clearly written with desperation on his face.

“What dorm are you in?” Gary asked, perfectly sitting on his chair with His legs crossed and his elbow resting on his knee.  
“He's seventeen.” Connor replied bitterly, changing his shirt. The sight made Jude feel a knot in his throat.  
“Um.. Yes, I'm still in high school.” Gary's eyes lit up as he started sighing about how he missed high school's years and his friend in Georgia who share the same interests as him, who watches his same, identical tv shows. _Why is he telling me this?_ Jude thought as he nodded politely trying to follow Gary's train of words.

“Have you ever watched Charmed?” He asked with enthusiasm filling his voice. Jude shook his head as he regretted the moment he stepped into that room, when he started sighing wistfully about three sisters who were witches and each one of them had a different superpower.

Gary crossed the room with his swivel chair, stopping right across where Jude was sitting.

“It's so amazeball! You have to watch it dude! There are these sisters having super powers.. my favourite one is Piper, the older one! And I love her power! She can burst things in flame! I don't really remember how it's called.. but still! You have to check that out!”

“Okay....” Connor said, pushing Gary's chair away from Jude. “We should totally go.”

Jude smiled at Connor thankfully before getting up from his bed. “Bye Jude! It's been a pleasure!”

Jude smiled politely, nodding his head. “Bye!” He let out a sigh of relief, before finally, heading out of that room.

 


	6. Chapter 6.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude's vision about what 'hanging out as a group at the movies' means, changes for good.

Jude had always been too innocent throughout his whole life, according to his knowledge “Hang out at the movies” had always meant 'carefully watching the movie while eating tons of popcorns' he didn't know that the whole concept would have changed for good that night, turning upside down his candid universe made of rainbows and unicorns.

 

“I'm so excited!” Jude's high pitched voice echoed through the almost empty movie theatre. Taylor, sitting on his left, started giggling as Jason shook his head in amusement while Connor snorted, sitting on his right, looking at him with a mischievous smirk on his lips. “Are you team Iron Man or team Cap?” Jude asked Connor. The blond boy let out an amused snort before leaning in; The soft brush of his lips made Jude shiver, as he whispered in his ear “I'm team -Making out in a dark movie theatre.”  
Jude blushed copiously, rolling his eyes and slapping his arm. “I'm trying to be serious.”

“I'm trying to be realistic.” Connor laughed, shaking his head as he straightened in his seat.

The movie hadn't even started yet and Jude heard, at some point, some soft moans coming from his left side. His eyes got wide when he saw the couple sitting next to him shamelessy sucking each other's faces. His eyes widened in shock, glaring at the two of them for their sinful behaviour in a movie theatre.. “Get a room, you two.”

Jason pulled away from his girlfriend, letting out a deep exhale of breath as he glared at the brunette boy- who interrupted his make out session- once again.

“Connor.” Jason groaned, adressing to his buddy. “Take care of this pet, please.”

Connor laughed. “He got a point, you should stop acting like a _horn dog_ in a public place, you know..”

Jason snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. “Wow. You two are just made for each other.”

Jude looked at Connor with surprise on his face, he was truly astonished that Connor took the stand in his defense; It made him feel protected.

He kept looking at the boy sitting next to him with a soft smile creeping on his lips and his eyes sparkling with affection. He didn't see that coming, it surprised him.. in the best kind of way.

“You're creeping me out.” Connor murmured with amusement filling his voice. “You're staring at me with that creepy smile on your lips.”  
“It's not creepy. It was just a smile.” Jude retorted, biting his lips as he was hardly trying to hide a smile.  
“Uh uh.. and you're smiling for no apparent reason which is mildly concerning if you ask me..”

“That's why I'm never asking you for medical advices.”

Connor laughed, leaning in until his lips were brushing Jude's ear. “ You can ask me _any kind_ of advice..”  
“Oh my God, Stop.” Jude giggled as a soft blush spread on his cheeks. “The movie is starting.”  
He tried to compose himself throughout the first half of the movie, He tried his best to ignore Connor's persistent gaze on him, or the moans coming from the seats next to him. He tried to focus on the movie, just on the movie... that until.. “What are you doing?” Jude's voice came out high pitched and surprised when he felt Connor's hand running over his leg.

Connor's gaze was focused on the movie as his hand started drawing circles on Jude's leg. Jude's breath itched, feeling goosebumps running all over his skin at the gentle touch of Connor's fingertips.

He darted out his tongue, wetting his lower lip, feeling his lips getting dry. He decided to ignore the warmth spreading through his lower stomach and he shifted his attention back to the movie. At some point, he turned his face towards Taylor who was getting up from her seat followed by Jason.

“Taylor?”  
She turned around, biting her lips trying to hold a smile. “I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.” They both walked past Jude and Connor, and before heading outside Jason winked at Jude.

“Have fun.”

Jude and Connor kept watching the movie in complete silence, that until it was Jude's turn to moan.  
“Connor..” His hand was still caressing his leg and – Jude noticed- his fingertips were dangerously stroking the area close to his clad erection.  
He sighed, grabbing his hand and resting it back into Connor's lap. He liked the feeling of his touch on him, it made him feel lightheaded and his mind going fuzzy, not to mention the swelling bulge inside of his pants, but Jude didn't feel ready for that step..

After 10 minutes of good behaviour, Connor yawned stretching his arm and resting it around Jude's shoulders.

Jude started laughing loudly at the clichè move, even though he shamelessy leant into his arms.  
“You're hurting my feeling.” Connor glared at him with a pout on his lips.

Jude kept laughing, resting his head against Connor's shoulder. Once again he was feeling that sensation of protection that made his heart pound faster against his chest. He kept watching the movie, even though Connor's soft breath against his cheek was a blissful distraction. He tried so hard to resist, but when Connor's lips started laying open mouthed kisses on his cheeks and behind his ear, sending shivers down his spine, He couldn't give a crap about the movie.

Jude laced his hand behind his neck, pulling him closer before Connecting his lips with Connor's.

They were sitting at the last row of seats so no one else was sitting there, they were alone, at dark.. like Connor prophetically announced that afternoon.

The moment Connor moaned, filling his mouth with his tongue, the movie was quickly forgotten. Once he'd started, Jude refused to even considering to pull away from him. Connor's lips were addictive and if Jude had to be completely honest, making out like that was thrilling and dangerous and it sent shivers of pleasure running all over his burning skin.

“Shh..” Connor murmured, biting his lips before darting out his tongue to soothe the sting.

Jude moaned softly, trying to be as quiet as possible when Connor's lips moved to his collarbone. Jude kept his eyes closed, enjoing the feeling of Connor's mouth on his skin as his hand was slowly reaching upward, on his clad erection, once again. He opened his eyes, grabbing his roaming hand and intertwining their fingers together as his other hand kept stroking Connor's hair.

“Fuck.. your skin is so smooth.” Connor moaned quietly as his tongue was running over Jude's neck.

Jude slowly opened his glossy eyes, and felt himself getting hard when his gaze casually dropped on Connor's remarkable bulge, trapped in his pants. He sighed loudly and his vocal sounds were quickly muffled by Connor's tongue sliding hotly into his mouth.

“Tell me this isn't more entertaining that the movie..” Connor panted, once he'd pulled away, as he was catching his breath.

Jude didn't have the strenght to reply, or enough cells brain functioning at the moment, to pursue that aim. He just.. kept looking at him with his puffed, swollen lips parted, his chest lifting and falling as he tried to catch his breath, his erection pushing against the constricting fabric of his jeans and his hair all messed up by Connor's skilled fingers.

“Fuck the movie.” Jude replied, resting his head against Connor's shoulder as he closed his eyes trying to 'Cool down' from the intense make out session that changed his whole vision about 'Hanging out at the movies' for good.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here another chapter LOL xD Every feedback is highly appreciated :)


	7. not an update.

Hey, there. This is clearly not an update (DUH lol) I just wanted to check If anyone still follows my stories (this post is related to all of my fics) because in that case I will keep updating them... Thanks. 


	8. chapter 8.

“So.. are you coming?”  
Jude snapped back into reality throwing a confused look at his best friend, sitting next to him in the cafeteria. “Huh"?

“Earth to Jude?!” She snapped with a clear edge of annoyance filling her voice. “Were you even listening?” Jude decided to be honest to his best friend. “No.” Taylor let out an annoyed sigh before telling him. "Connor asked if we want to go to a party tonight. Do you want to go?" Taylor couldn't help but notice the way Jude's shoulders went rigid at The mention of Connor's name and how his gaze was shifting from his lunch tray to the wall, clearly avoding her persistent gaze.

“Jude.. something happened between you two?”  Jude flinched at Taylor's sharp and direct question, even though he shouldn't have been surprised; He knew that his friend had never been subtle so he just sighed before spilling the beans. “We.. kissed.” _uh yeah, keep telling that to yourself._ His brain reminded him, as he tried to not get flushed at the memory. “.. at the movies.”

“and...?” Jude rolled his eyes. “ It's been a week and he never called or texted ever since the movie date so.. to answer your question, no I'm not going.” Jude got up with his lunch tray, heading toward the exit when Taylor followed him outside while venting about how Connor was just unexperienced-- which according to Jude it was a total bullshit.--

“He doesn't want me there.”  
“How do you know?” Taylor retorted in a challenging tone.

“Because he would have texted or called to invite me.” Jud replied matter of factly, not mentioning to his best friend how he had truly been during that week; Every single day he'd been staring at his phone, waiting for a call or a text that never came through. Taylor sighed fiddling with her phone, quickly typing a text. Jude's eyes widened at the sight, realizing what Taylor was about to do. She shrieked when Jude's hand reached out to her phone, looking at the unsent text on the screen with mouth wide open.

“What the hell are you doing, Taylor?!”  
“I'm getting you invited. You're welcome.”  
“No one asked you to!” Jude countered, letting out a exasperated sigh. “I'm not going! I might be an outcast but I'm not that desperate.” She pulled down her phone --just before sending the text-- looking at Jude with a sad light flashing across her eyes.

“You're not a loser or an outcast.” Taylor replied. Her voice was so sympathetic that made Jude's eyes glistening with tears. “You're my best friend.”  
“You're the only one thinking that.” Jude replied, trying to hold back the tears as his worst high school memories started flashing before his closed eyes. His memory brought him back years before when  he literally thanked God every day --after school -- for making it out alive. It's been a living hell for Jude throughout his high school's years but the most awful memory Jude was going to remember for the rest of his life was when Jason and his buddies created a fake Twitter account and they started catfishing him. Jude had never been the most outgoing boy on the planet mostly because no one ever took interest in him so he obviously felt flattered by this boy's attention. They'd been talking for a couple of weeks before dedicing to meet up after school. Jude was beyond excited about the prospect of meeting that 'Alex' boy, underneath the school's bleachers,  but sadly, as soon as Jude got there no one showed up. Jude was internally destroyed. He refused to believe it. That boy had just been playing with him all along.. He felt so stupid for falling for that prank.

“ _It was so good to be true.” Jude sighed, cursing himself under his breath._ “ _How could someone ever like me?”_ _He stood there for few minutes, breathing in and out, forcing the tears back. He was about to go home when he suddenly felt hope swelling inside of his chest, hearing someone's footsteps getting closer._

“ _He's here. He's here.” Jude's eyes lit up as he internally screamed with joy._ _His smile sadly had short life. Sadly, it faded pretty quickly when he saw Jason and his friends showing up and trapping him into a circle. They didn't beat him up that day, but Jude almost wished they did.. They harrassed him verbally and that was even more painful that being physically attacked._ _Jude felt humiliated like he'd never been in his entire life as Jason and his buddies were laughing at him, asking him where “Alex” was._

“ _He never existed, Jude.” Jason laughed as he took a few steps forward until he was facing Jude's trembling body. “And even if he was real.. Never, he would have been interested in someone disgusting like you.”_

 

“But that's okay, really Taylor.. let it go.”

“Okay.” Jude hugged her, affectionatly ruffing her hair even though he knew how much she hated when he did that. “I know you care about me.”

“Of course I do.”

“Have fun at the party.”

“If you ever change your mind...”.  
“.. I will let you know.”  
Throughout the rest of the day Jude tried to keep Connor out of his thoughts but It was nearly an impossible task. Truth was that Despite his asshole behaviour, all he could think about was his handsome smile and the way his wonderful lips felt on his skin..  
He stared at the number dialed on his phone screen for a while before pressing the green button. “Hello?” Jude flinched a bit when Connor breathless voice came through the phone. It sounded Like he'd just ran a marathon or worse,  Jude shook his head, shaking off the grave forebolding creeping through his mind. “Connor?”  
“Jude. Hi.” Connor sounded tense like Jude's phonecall caught him completely off guard.  
“Is-.. Is everything okay?”  
“Y-Yeah.. Um.. listen, can I call you back?” There. The grave forebolding swelled even further inside of his chest.  
“S-.” Jude's voice broke into a gasp when he suddenly heard a feminine's voice whining to Connor. “Come on, Sweetie! I need to find the perfect dress for tonight's party!”

Jude closed his eyes, inhaling deeply through his nose as Connor's voice echoed through the phone. “Um.. Jude I'm sorry, I really need to..”  
Jude couldn't hold back the hollow laugh escaping his lips as he uttered a glacial “Bye Connor.” Before hanging up. 

“I can't fucking believe it.” Jude laughed sadly, shaking his head as the only thing he could hear playing through his head was the persistent voice saying. “He's playing with you. _He's just playing with you.”_   The feeling spreading through his whole body was so familiar and new at the same time, Because Jude had being fooled before so it was something that wasn't exactly new to him at this point, but this time Jude a jolt of rage taking over his whole body. He wasn't the scrawny, scared boy he was few years before and he wasn't going to let people playing with him like he was just a toy, not anymore. So, he took deep long breaths before dialing a familiar number on his phone. As soon as Taylor picked up the phone Jude spoke with a strong, firm edge filling his voice that honestly he'd never heard it before in his own voice. “Hey T. I've changed my mind about this party.”

 


	9. chapter 9.

“So.. Connor is-”  
“I don't fucking care where Connor is.” Jude's sharp voice made Taylor flinch as they were quietly sitting on the sand, looking absent mindedly at the the blazing bonfire. They've been sitting next to each other for an hour and throughout the whole time Taylor had been trying to steal informations out of Jude; What was going on. Why he'd changed his mind. Why was he drinking beers like there wasn't a tomorrow.

“Jude.. I think that's enough.”  
Jude snorted, taking one last sip out of his beer. Finally when he felt like Taylor was worthy of an answer he faced her.  
“He's an asshole.” He spat out, taking long pauses between one sentences and the following one, in a weak attempt to cool down but then miserably failing, because then Jude said. “..and I hate him.”  
“Jude I'm sorry.” Taylor closed his eyes feeling the pain echoing through Jude's words and that caused her eyes to start watering. She never wanted him to suffer.. she loved him like a brother and seeing him so hurt, was breaking her heart.

“Jude.. try to calm down.” Taylor was genuinely concerned. “I'll take you away from here.” She said as she stood up. Jude kept sitting on the sand, hiding his face behind his hands.

“Oh Jude.” Taylor released a gasp when Jude finally put his hands down, looking up. His face was covered with tears while his eyes were glossy and red, Taylor was about to go searching for Connor and kicking his ass for hurting her best friend, but then she realized that she didn't know if that was really what Jude wanted.. She just had to take him away from there.

“I'll just go tell Jason, Wait here for a second. I'll be right back and then I'm taking you home. Okay?” Jude nodded and she gave him one quick glance, before going searching for Jason.

Jude wasn't drunk. He was definitely tipsy, but he was aware of where he was and what he was feeling. Not even the alcohol running through his veins made him forget about Connor's behaviour.  
His trains of thoughts were interrupted by someone sitting on the sand, right next to him.

“Hey Jude!”  
Jude closed his eyes as he immediately recognized the shrilling, high pitched voice. “Hey... Gary.”  
“You look good.” Jude snorted as his eyes were slowly opening, staring at the guy in complete disbelief. “Are you serious?”  
“Me?! Completely serious. Scout's honor!” Jude rubbed his forehead as he couldn't hold back the groan slipping out of his lips. “Could you please.. lower down your voice a little bit? I'm kind of hangovering.”  
Gary totally ignored his request as his mouth fell open, staring at him with a look full of judgement. “OH! You shouldn't have drunk that much you know?! I've never drank alcohol because It makes me feel like I'm sinning and I really don't want that because then I'm going to hell and I've heard is a awful place!”  
“It's definitely more pleasant that this bonfire.” Jude muttured under his breath, probably wishing to be in hell in that moment rather than having to deal with that kind of one sided conversation.

“.. they say there are like nine different circles of sinners in hell!”  
“Oh wow.” Jude said, cracking a polite smile while internally cursing Taylor for taking it that long. “Interesting.”  
“Yeah!” Gary agreed. “Infact, According to Dante Alighieri's Divine Comed-”  
“Jude?” Jude's eyes inconsciously fell closed, stinging at the corner of his eyes as he tried, in that moment, to pull aside the rush of pain running through his whole body. Still not looking up, he addressed to Gary with hesitant voice, instantly regretting every single word as they came out of his mouth. "Hey, do you want to get out of here?" He still wasn't looking up but he totally caught the sharp intake of breath coming out of Connor's lips.

"What the F-" 

"I'm actually pretty comfy here.." Gary replied, completaly oblivious to the innuendo.

"Then I'll go." Jude sighed. He stood up on his trembling legs, before walking past Connor –obviously not even deem him worthy of a look-- and heading towards a secluted area of the beach. He thought he was ready to stand up to Connor, telling him to fuck off but as suspected just listening to his voice made him weak. He wasn't in the right condition to deal with Connor in that moment.. but apparently Connor had other plans.  
“Jude, wait!” Jude stepped forwards, rushing on his steps as he got away from the object of his pain. He needed to find Taylor and get the hell out of that place. It was a bad idea coming there in the first place. Jude's eyes fluttered shut, letting out a resigned sigh when he felt Connor's hand grabbing him by his wrist and turning him around. The proximity of their bodies made Jude open his eyes, giving a short intake of breath when he was met by Connor's puzzled eyes looking at him intently. Their eyes locked for what felt like forever, until Connor's eyebrows furrowed into two strict lines, his lips parted in surprise. “Are you drunk?!” Jude laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

“Jude!” Connor's concerned voice hit him right in the stomach, hurting like hell and Jude had to close his eyes again to hold back the tears..The constant war between his heart and his head was going to make him insane, Jude just knew that. “Let me go." Connor didn't reply and he didn't let go of his arm either, He just kept looking at him in silence with the most puzzled frown on his face, until he finally spoke, "I didn't know you were coming." Jude let out an hollow laugh, looking at Connor with sad eyes. "Maybe because you didn't invite me. Or.. Maybe because you forgot that I'm an human being as well, living on the same planet as you.”

Wow. Jude was almost shocked as Connor as the vomit of words slipped out of his mouth. "Okay. Wow." Connor let out a breathless laugh, looking at Jude sternly. "I really think we need to have a conversation."  Jude laughed bitterly, shaking off the grip on his arm. " I think this afternoon's phonecall said all that it needed to be said." Jude countered as he felt his whole body firing up the more he talked with Connor. If Jude was feeling conflicted between kissing the hell out of him or throwing a fist on his face, in that moment the latter won by a landslide.

"W-what conversation?" Jude groaned as he watched Connor's expression turning into genuine confusion. 

"Okay, Connor.. Let's keep playing this game if you like, but you'll have to do it on your own because I'm officially losing my patience, here."

"Would you care to explain what the hell did I do to you to piss you off like this?" Jude flinched as Connor's tone was slowly becoming more edgy and defensively and that pissed Jude off even more.

 "Are you really that fucking oblivious?! I'm talking about the girl you've been with, this afternoon!" Connor's eyes grew huge as he made an attempt of explaining things but Jude kept talking, cutting him off. "Speaking of.. Your 'honey boo' is probably looking for you, you should go."

Jude closed his eyes, trying to cool down from the  raging flames spreading inside of his body. He couldn't control the wave of words coming out of his lips and honestly.. It felt good getting it all out of his chest; getting rid of the heavy burden. He kept listening to Connor's uneven breaths coming of out his lips when suddenly he started giggling, shaking his head in amusement.  

"I-.. You're so ridicolous."

Jude's eyes snapped open, his mouth wide agape. "Me?"

"Yeah. You." Connor smirked as he bit his lips. He was amused by Jude's outburst. 'Such an asshole' Jude thought, feeling his patience wearing out when Connor started looking at him With that classic smirk on his face.

" Screw you." Connor laughed harder and somehow it made Jude more pissed with every giggle coming out of his lips. "Don't laugh. You." He gave Connor a light push as he put emphasis on each words slipping out of his lips. "Giant." "Asshole." Another push. Connor kept laughing, amused by the whole situation. "You're So frustrating."

"that's rich coming from you." Connor smirked as Jude was pushing him.  Connor walked backwards with each push until he fell on his butt in the sand.

Connor's smile faded, slowly turning into a stern line as He lifted up his eyes, looking at the panting boy standing across from him. Jude was breathing harshly, looking back at the blond boy as his eyes quickly narrowed into two thin lines. He was pissed, so pissed.. not at Connor, well yeah.. he was so mad at Connor for a couple of reasons.. but he was mad at himself, uncapable of leaving him like that and walk away from the pain Connor was causing him. Because it was true. Connor was an arrogant, confused asshole whose favourite game was to make Jude going insane.. but at the same time Connor was capable of making him feel things that Jude had never dared to dream before. Connor could make him feel alive with just one kiss and the unrational part of Jude didn't want to give that up. He didn't want to give up on the attention Connor gave him, on his soft touch that made him feel butterflies flying into his stomach, his handsome smile that could lit up a whole room, his annoying yet irresistible voice that never failed to send shivers down his spine. Jude liked him. He liked Connor for who he was; for his (sometimes) rude ways that never failed to get on Jude's nerves and his deep hazel eyes capable of reading right through him like no one ever did. 

“This is ridicolous.” Jude sighed as he run his hand through his messy hair. His voice was coloured with self mocking as he shook his head. “I don't even know what I'm doing here.”  
His eyes went wide when he felt Connor's hand taking his own before pulling him down and onto his lap. He gave a short intake of breath, giving a quick look around himself realizing that They were alone on that side of the beach, hidden for the most part by the huge rock that was locking them from the rest of the world.

“Listen... “Connon began as he stroked his cheek. Jude's eyelids felt heavy as he relaxed against the soft touch of his hand. Jude wasn't sure if it was due to the alcohol or not, but Connor's voice never sounded so soft before. “ She's my best friend... I-I'm not cheating on you or something.. She calls 'honey' everyone, I promise. ”  
Jude nodded as he swallowed some saliva, feeling lost into the depth that were Connor's eyes.  
“I-It's not that.. “Jude replied. “I know we're taking it slow..” Jude felt him giving a short intake of breath as he kept talking . “And I'm okay with that.”  
Connor's lips parted but Jude cut him off --before he had the chance to reply-- by saying “- but I'm not willing to be some kind of toy you can use and then throw away whenever you please.”  
Connor's eyes widened. “Are you stupid?”  
“See.” Jude laughs. “This is the kind of thing that makes me want to punch you in the face, and I swear to God, I'm the most unproblematic and pacifist boy on the planet but you.. Connor Stevens. You bring out the most aggressive part of me.”

“Someone has to.” He replied giving a soft laugh before saying with a serious edge in his voice. “ And by the way you're not a toy to me.”

“Good.”  
“You're a person.” Connor added before a cheeky smile spread on his lips "Annoying person."

"And you're an epic asshole." Jude replied with challenging tone.

"Nerd."

"Caveman."

Connor smiled. "Don't make me use my cudgel."   
Jude's mouth fell open giving a loud laugh despite the pink blush creeping profusely over his cheeks. He couldn't hold back the soft smile as he felt Connor's arms wrapping firmer around his small frame.  
"Now kiss me, you idiot." Jude felt his heart pouding erratically against his chest before leaning in. Just when there were two inches apart between their lips, Connor opened his eyes giving a soft laugh. “What?” Jude whispered, feeling Connor's breaths against his lips.  
“Were you really going to hook up with Gary?”  
“Never in a million years.”

“So you were just trying to make me jealous." Connor said it like he was pointing out the obvious.  
“Never in a million years.” Connor laughed, laying a soft kiss at the corner of Jude's mouth.  
“Not everything revolves around you.” Jude countered, as he  felt his cheeks turning pink when Connor began to smirk in a mischievous way. “You're not that hard to resist.”  
“Yeah.. and that explain why you're still sitting on my lap.”

“It has been Just a moment of weakness.” Jude rolled his eyes, motioning to get up but Connor's arms were keeping him firm planted on his lap. Jude felt his heart skipping beats when he felt Connor's chest rising and falling heavily against his own, his shallow breaths were tingling where Connor's lips were planted at the corner of his lips.

"I want to kiss you." Connor said as he looked up. Jude swallowed down some saliva, suddenly feeling his throat getting dry. "Will you let me?"

Jude couldn't hold back the giggle escaping his lips As he slowly nodded his head, trying to ignore the strange, constricting feeling spreading through Jude's whole body. He knew what it was; it was Guilt. Guilt of feeling incoherent about his own feeligs. Like the moment before when he felt the desire of turning around and walk away from Connor took over his whole body and then, five minutes later Jude wanted nothing more than keep sitting on his lap, waiting for his kiss. 

"Jude." Connor breathed out with voice so soft and fragile that made Jude feel completely drained out of air In his lungs. Connor slowly closed his eyes until Jude was met By Connor's lips on his own. As soon as their lips touched, Jude's mind blacked out of every thought, every fear, the whole mess of doubts flowing through his mind as he got lost into the kiss. Connor moaned softly as he bit his bottom lip, before pulling it between his teeth. Jude flinched, opening his eyes when Connor's tongue darted out, soothing the sting. He felt his eyes closing again, when Connor's hand trailed underneath his shirt, touching for the first time Jude's smooth skin.  He gasped when he felt his thumb drawing lazy circles on his back and Jude tilted his head to the side, giving Connor's more space to work on, when his tongue started trailing downwards.

"Fuck." Jude moaned as Connor pulled him even closer, moaning against his neck. Their hips started rubbing slowly against each other, creating delicious friction in its wake.  Jude felt lightheaded as he pushed harder against the friction, feeling a buzzing sensation settling into his lower stomach. It felt all new and scary and exciting. Connor moaned loudly against his neck where his mouth was running downwards, leaving a hot trail of open mouthed kisses down his jaw.

"Connor." Jude moaned softly as he felt Connor's hardness against his own, rubbing in a very slow rithym. They couldn't get enough of each other's lips, infact the moment they pulled away from each other --in those small pauses when they were catching their breath--, their hands started roaming around their bodies, pulling each other back into that endless tango. 

"W-What.. If..." Jude could barely breathe in that moment, let alone speak. His words came out muffled by Connor's kisses. "Someone sees.." He finally managed to say as Connor kept his ministration on Jude's skin. While waiting for an answer Jude heard him humming against his neck, savouring the smell of his cologne.

"I've missed your scent." Connor sighed softly, laying kisses along his collarbone. Jude felt it so relaxing that he almost felt guilty for ruining the moment but something switched and Jude needed to know, so he just kept it cool as he made a remark, "You knew where to find me." 

He just hoped that Connor was clever enough to catch the hint. he didn't want to seem jealous of his best friend and complained about being totally neglected for a week. "Mm." Connor panted. "My sister is in town." 

"Yeah?" Connor nodded, into the crook of his neck. "She's the clingest person I know. She kept me busy the whole week." That's an explanation... Jude thought, humming softly As his hand trailed upwards, tangling into Connor's hair.

"I.. I'm sorry if I didn't invite you... I just didn't think this was your kind of thing."

"It isn't.." Jude agreed. "But I.." Missed you. "... Just thought it was time to finally broaden my horizons."

Connor laughed, tickling Jude's neck with his soft breaths. "You certaintly did. You almost got drunk..."

"... But it didn't happen. I'm just typsy." Jude corrected him in a beat.

".. You almost hooked up with Gary."

Jude snorted indignantly. " I think you're more jealous than you're letting on, Connor Stevens." 

Connor laughed as he shook his head in amusement. "Oh come on.. I totally saved you from throwing yourself into that bonfire... Or him."

"definitely him." Jude smiled, closing his eyes as he leant into Connor's touch, savouring the mesmerizing wamrth of his body.. That until they were locked into their bubble. "Shouldn't you go back to the party?"

Connor let out a soft sigh as he said. "I'll do what makes me feel good."

 "and what does make you feel good?"

Connor gave Jude's body a soft squeeze, laying a kiss on his neck as his eyes fluttered close. "This."


	10. chapter 10.

"Okay.. You're doing great." Connor said with calm voice, eliciting a soft smile out of Jude's tense expression.  
"D-don't speed up just yet." He added then, with a warning edge filling his voice.  
"Am I doing good?" Jude asked with hesitant voice. Connor nodded, feeling droplets of sweat running down his forehead; It was Jude's first time so it was understandable that he was feeling a bit nervous about letting Jude drive, but he was doing good so far so Connor was confident that nothing bad would have happened, to his car.. and most important, to them.  
"Yes." Connor smiled but when Jude turned his face with a smile of almost victory on his lips, he suddenly rushed to say with stern voice. "Eyes on the road."  
"Kinda hard to." Jude laughed as Connor blushed softly. "You're kinda distracting."

Connor rolled his eyes, giving a snort. "It's not my fault that I'm hot."

Jude laughed as he made a stop to a red light and finally he had the chance to look at the boy sitting on the passenger seat. He let out a happy sigh as he thanked Connor for providing him driving lessons.

"We better get to the campus in one piece." He said with mock filling his voice as a cheeky smile appeared on his lips. "My father would probably have a seizure if something happens to his most precious thing."

"Aww." Jude winked. "Look at daddy's little boy." Even though Jude's tone was 100% playful, Connor's carefree smile was suddenly crossed by a dark shadow that made Jude wrinkle his eyebrows in worry. "Hey.." His hand trailed down Connor's leg as his voice came out low and filled with concern. "You okay?" Connor looked like he was about to cry as he started fiddling with his fingers, avoiding eye contact with Jude. The sight made Jude frown in sadness and he looked at the boy next to him in complete silence, noticing that Connor's lips parted and that he finally looked up, meeting his eyes. He seemed like he was about to say something apparently important. but then the light turned green. Connor cleared his throat, shaking his head as he told Jude to drive.

Jude cleared his throat as he drove the car, letting sound of discomfort out of his throat in a weak attempt of breaking the tense air fallen above the two of them. "Um.." Connor didn't blink as he kept staring blanky at the road ahead of them and Jude couldn't help but wonder what kind of thoughts were flowing through his head. He stole glances at Connor once in a while as he felt a sharp pain settling in his stomach because he was feeling responsible for upsetting Connor. He was lost in his thoughts when he saw Connor's eyes growing wide. "Jude!" Jude kept his eyes back on the road not realizing that there was a woman crossing the street just few inches away from them. He gasped loudly, hitting the brake just in time. The woman glared at him with wide eyes before rushing on her steps. Jude felt his head spinning, unaware at first of his heavy breaths  filling the silence of the vehicle. He closed his eyes, resting his head against the headrest and trying to calm down the erratic beats of his heart. Everything felt like spinning in that moment, he could barely register the erratic sounds of horn, gesturing him to drive ahead.. Jude could easily imagine that There was probably a line of cars, behind them.

"Jude?" Connor's soft voice sounded so far away as he spoke. His eyes finally snapped open when he registers the soft touch of Connor's hand holding his own in a firm grip. "I-It's okay.. It can happen.." Connor was clearly as shaken as Jude but he was trying to keep it together. Jude tried to smile, but it was kind of an impossible task at the moment so he just nodded, even though what most surprised him was the fact that Connor didn't seem mad or even being aware of the erratic sounds of horn echoing through the street, it felt like Just was the only thing that mattered at the moment and that caused his heart to speed up on his beats, feeling flushed all over his body. "Do you want to keep driving?" Jude shook his head, looking at Connor with defeated eyes. Connor nodded, getting out of the car and opening the driver's door where Jude was still sitting. Jude felt his heart skipping beats when Connor snapped at the annoying drivers, giving out a loud yell. "Oh, fuck off." To the cars lined up behind the black volvo, then he turned around smiling softly at Jude and saying with the sweetest and caring tone to move on the passenger Seat.

Connor turned on the engine, stealing quick glances at Jude from time to time, who still shaken, cursing himself for his own negligence. Connor sighed, clearing his throat as he tried to make some conversation. "I'm hungry." He looked at Jude who was looking absent mindedly outside of the windows, his eyes seemed miles and miles away. "I'm very hungry." Connor said, but Jude kept staying silent, letting out small puffs of air. "Are you hungry?" Connor asked with soft voice trying to coherce even the smallest sound out of Jude.

"Okay.. Jude." Jude finally turned his pale face towards Connor, listening to what the blond boy was going to say to him."It can happen. You need to be more careful next time and-"

"Y-You.. if it wasn't for you!” Jude snapped, giving a soft snort when Connor's eyebrows started furrowing in confusion before letting out a soft laugh. Jude rolled his eyes; it was Classic of Connor, laughing when he tried to have a serious conversation with him. "How's my fault? You were the one driving." His voice sounded so nonchalant that made Jude snort again, raising an eyebrow as he countered, "I was worried about you!" Jude sassed back as he groaned in frustration. "I-I.. Didn't mean to upset you and seeing you like that made me-"

"It wasn't your fault, not in the slightest." Connor rushed to say with low voice as he reached with his hand, gently stroking Jude's thigh. He let out a deep sigh, probably debating within himself if he was ready to share that part of his life that no one ever had access to. He gave a resigned sigh before pulling the car over some deserted street. He turned the engine off, before facing Jude. "My dad doesn't care about me, or anything for that matter.. He only cares about himself and my step mom and I... I've always lived in my sister's shadow."

"Your sister meant as.."

"Half Sister." Connor sighed. "She comes in town once in a while and she's so damn clingy.. I think she has a crush on me."

Connor gave a soft laugh when he was met by Jude's horrified expression. "B-But.. Is she aware that you two are..?"

"Yeah." Connor gave a hollow laugh, before gulping. "She's well aware of that."

"You two are siblings..”

"Half.. siblings." Connor corrected him with disdainful edge in his voice and a disgusted frown spreading on his lips when he added, "And that didn't stop her from showing up naked in my bed, once."

Jude felt himself getting sickened by Connor's account. "I.. I feel like I'm going to throw up."

"Yeah, I know what you're F-"

"No. No, Connor.. I'm seriously about to Thr-" Jude couldn't finish the sentence because he'd opened the car door in the meantime.

"Fuck." He moaned in disgust.

Connor stepped outside, walking around the car and staring completely agape at the scene before him. Jude's head snapped up, looking at the boy with horrified expression flashing across his features. "Connor get back in the car, what the F-" Connor didn't let Jude's words descouraging him, he took few steps towards Jude, gently patting on his back as he puked. "There, there." If Jude wasn't busy puking his soul out, he would have smiled at Connor's gentle tone.. His gentle touch caressing his back somehow made it better. He closed his eyes as he felt the rush of vomit finally coming to an end. He took deep breaths as Connor wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Better?" Jude opened his eyes, nodding at the boy before him. Connor smiled, opening the door of the backseat as he said, "Let's lay down for a bit."

Jude looked around himself with hesitant eyes, before asking him. "Are you sure? We're kind in the middle of the nowhere.”  
“So?”  
Jude rolled his eyes, stepping out of the car and carefully avoiding to walk on the stains of vomit, before sitting into the backseats.

“So?!” Jude's voice was still raw as he spoke. “Have you ever seen American Horror Story?”  
“Which one?” Connor asked as he sat down next to him.  
“Um.. I don't know? Maybe, Freak show? ”  
Connor laughed loudly as he looked at the brunette boy with an eyebrow raised in pure amusement. “You're scared of a clown jumping out of nowhere?” Connor couldn't hold back the wave of laughter slipping out of his lips as a profused blush creeped over Jude's face and for a moment Connor thought that it was pretty cute, all flushed in the face as he struggled while coming up with something to say, anything to say, in order to defend himself. He was cute.

“No!” Jude replied, giving him a light push on his arm. “I-I was just saying that anyone with a chainsaw could jump out of nowhere and cut us into tiny pieces.” Connor smiled. Jude looked really terrified of Horror movies.. he wondered how fun would that be to watch a horror movie with him, maybe at his dorm while snuggling underneath a blanket or something. The idea suddenly sounded appealing. He wrapped his arm around his shoulder making Jude feel safe into his arms, before whispering softly into his ear. “ Hey, What are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?”

Jude tried to think about his daily schedule, before shrugging. “Basically nothing, why?”

Connor's smile was blinding and full of amusement as he suggested. “Are you up for a movies marathon?”

 


	11. Chapter 11.

Jude should have known, when Connor suggested the movies marathon's idea, that he would instead find himself pinned against the tiny bed with Connor climbing on top of him.

If Jude had to be completely honest, he way preferred this kind of activity rather than the horror movie long forgotten on Connor's laptop.

He gave a soft moan as soon as Connor's soft lips landed on his own, his weight pressing him further against the mattress as his hand raised up, lacing into his hair.

Jude had never felt like this. 

His whole body was being crossed by waves of pure desire as Connor's hips started moving against his own, eliciting soft breaths just right out of his lips.

The weight of Connor's body was pressing him down, leaving no space between them so Jude suddenly felt the lack of air filling his lungs. 

"I--" Jude gasped suddenly and Connor pulled away slightly, their lips were lightly touching.

Jude looked up with half lidded eyes, his heart lurching inside of his chest as he was met by the sight of Connor's swollen lips and startled eyes. After a long moment spent in complete silence, filled by their heavy breaths, Connor cleared his throat.

His cheeks tinged pink as he looked at Jude's flushed face.

"Sorry.. I.. Didn't mean to push."

Jude felt his lips tugging up in a soft smile, happy that Connor cared about him enough to check if he was okay with the pace of that moment.. He meant that Connor had a bit of respect towards him.

"No.. You are not pushing, not in the slightest. "

He blushed as he gave a nervous laugh, deciding to ignore the painful ache of his throbbing erection in his pants and considering by the way Connor's hips were inconsciously slowly rubbing against his own.. Jude could tell that he wasn't the one in that unfortunate situation.

His face turned pink as he pulled Connor down, pressing their lips together.

Connor smiled against his lips as his hand trailed underneath Jude's shirt. He brushed his fingers over Jude's flat stomach eliciting soft moans out of the Boy's lips. In the meantime their hips kept rocking against each other, increasing the pace of their movements. The air lmost immediately felt hot and suffocating.

"Can I?" Connor's voice was broke with want as he lifted Jude's shirt, exposing his stomach.

Jude was feeling unable to give him a vocal answer in that moment caused by his hormones taking over his whole body, so he just nodded.

Jude's eyes were closed but He could still hear Connor's short intake of breath as soon as he got rid of Jude's shirt, discharging it on the floor. 

Shivers were running down his spine as soon as Connor --still straddling his lower stomach-- run his finger over Jude's chest.. Softly and gently until it brushing over his stomach.

"Connor.." 

"Fuck.. You're perfect."

Jude's eyes shot open as soon as the words left Connor's lips.. His mouth fell open and staring at Connor just like he had committed some soft of felony.

"I am not. I am not perfect.. I'm far from being perfect.."

"Jude.." 

His eyes were filling with tears as he looked away from Connor, his gaze fixed on the discharged item on the floor. 

He suddenly felt the urge to wear his shirt.

He suddenly felt uneasy and uncomfortable being shirtless and this exposed to Connor's eyes. Somehow Connor's words had the opposite effects.

"You are.. Don't ever think like you're not."

Then why --Jude thought-- everyone thought he wasn't? Why everyone mocked him for who he was?

"It's hard to When everyone keeps reminding you.."

Connor sighed as he laid down on top of his body, his face pressed against Jude's cheek.

Jude felt that moment very intimate for two people that made out occasionally.. He kind of wanted to ask Connor in that moment.. But he decided to drop the idea.

"Reminding you what?"

Jude closed his eyes, fighting back tears as he gave a soft sigh.

"That I'm just a lame loser.."

Connor hummed against his cheek, his hand gripping Jude's.

"You're not a loser to me.."

Jude didn't know what to think about that boy. He was a cold little bitch on several occasions and then He surprised him with those sweet gestures and kind words.

"Actually.." Connor smiled. "You're kind of a cool nerd."

Jude laughed as his hand trailed over Connor's face and into his hair softly caressing the blond strands, his eyelids getting heavy as he listened to Connor's soft breaths.

"The college jock said."  Jude teased him with low voice. "You social life must have been so easy.."

Connor snorted as he replied.

"You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, you know.. My life hasn't been as easy as you might think.."

"People has ever catfished you? They ever led you on for weeks and then mocking the shit out of you?" Jude's voice was thick with anger as he spoke, his eyes red and glistening with tears thinking about those assholes.

Connor lifted himself up on his elbows, looking at him with sad eyes and a deep frown on his face.

"Um.. No... but Someone seriously did that to you?" 

 _Yes, Someone as your best buddy ._ Jude thought as he nodded his head.

"Who?"

Jude gave a hollow laugh as he was met by Connor's resoluted eyes."

"What?" 

"Who did that to you?" 

Jude's smile faded before tugging down and into a frown.

"Are you serious right now, Connor?" Jude gasped. "So what? That you can beat the crap out of them?"

Jude was beyond shocked when Connor replied.

"Yeah. I Am so going to. "

Jude rolled his eyes, letting out a broken laugh. _Yeah sure.. Good luck with beating your best friend, bud._

"I'll call Jason and--"

Jude's world crumbled as soon as Connor said Jason's name. 

"It's in the past. I don't really care about that anymore.." Jude lied as he exhaled sharply through his nose. He Doubted that Connor would ever beat his best friend just because he'd bullied him in the past.. not for him, that was for sure according to Jude.

Connor laid back down on Jude's body, his head resting against his heart. 

"Next time you'll have to tell me."

"Connor, seriously.."

"I'll.. " Connor trailed off, his eyes locking with Jude's as he gave a soft sigh. "I'll protect you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Public service announcement.  
> Things are a bit hectic right now so I'll promise that I'll update ( and finish ) all of my fics, but I might update whenever I can.. no schedule planned. okay? cool :D  
> PS: Enjoy this "Fluffy" Chapter. ( this is Meant for.. Um.. storyline reasons.. LOL)


	12. Chapter 12.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a while... but... here's chapter 12 :)

Jude thought that the calm, the safety he felt into Connor's arms or the sweet words whispered in his ear as they were curled against each other in Connor's dorm or in his car were meant to say that  _this_ , whataver that was, was more than just a fling.. 

Maybe Jude was too affected by Connor's whole persona. His gentle voice and his soft touches, His dorky humor even.. Jude's rationalism was completely clouded by all those factors so he really wanted to believe, with every fiber of his bones hat he had found someone who liked him, really liked him, for who he was; The dorkiest, sweetest, kindhearted and --sadly-- most naive boy on the planet.

His mind was wrapped around the idea of that perfect world that he never wanted to leave but, unfortunately in the real world,  _That was the calm before the storm._

 

It happened on New Year's eve party at Connor's parents house being out for the night to celebrate with their friends.

Jude tried to shove aside, even if it was Really fucking hard, the pain settling sharply in his chest whenever Connor clearly ignored his presence in favour of hanging out with his assface buddies And that hurt Jude, so damn much especially when Connor showed up, from time to time and he lured him--obviously following a meticulous scheduled plan--to his bedroom,

"Hey, you okay?"

Taylor looked up from the red cup she was sipping of and gave a slight shrugs of her shoulders.

"I mean.. I fucking want to kick his ass, and I don't give me that look." She said pointing out her finger in an accusatory way in Jude's direction.

"I know what you're thinking."

Jude couldn't help but laugh at the accusation.

"I'm not thinking anything.."

She rolled her eyes in response before giving a loud sigh, looking absent mindedly into space as she remarked.

_"Men are assholes."_

Jude Agreed to that assertion.

_"And pigs."_

"And they can't fucking keep it in their pants." She went on as she gave a roll of her eyes when she noticed that Jude's eyes were drawn to a random spot in the middle of the crowd.

"I'm sorry Jason cheated on you.."

Not entirely true. He felt sorry for Taylor, because she was clearly hurt.. but he didn't feel absolutely sorry for their break up.

Taylor was an extraordinary human being and she deserved someone worthy of her.

She gave Jude this glare like she was thinking the exact same thing.. So Jude side hugged her and felt a bit better when she leant against his side.

"You were right, all along.." And while she said that to Jude, he felt Jason glare on him from the other side of the room where he was talking to Connor, the sight gave him cold shiver running down his spine.

"I totally deserve better."

"We all do, Tay.."

She looked up to Jude's face as she tightened her grip around his arm.

"Trouble in paradise once again?"

"I.." Jude hesitated for a moment but then the frustration started kickin in at some very high level and he couldn't help but blurt it out, Raw and directly as he told her how he felt.

"I feel like a slut."

"Oh Jude.."

"Don't give me that look, Tay.. Please. I knew what I was putting myself into from the very beginning I just.. Don't know what all of this means, one moment he's the sweetest boy ever and it really makes me wonder if he..” He trailed off as he looked away from her, His face heated up with embarrassment.

“Loves you?” Taylor asked hesitantly. Jude ignored the fatidic question and went on on his rant.

“ _T_ hen he treates me like I'm even less than an acquaintance for him whenever we're not alone.” He gave a loud groan of frustration, running his hands through his hair.  _“_ All I know is that all of this is driving me crazy. _He drives me crazy."_

"Connor sure likes you.."

"He might like me but I.. I more than just like him and I don't know.. I have this insane thought in my mind that he could _actually_  feel--” He suddenly trailed off, the words feeling ridicolous even on his own tongue. _Connor didn't love him._

"-- I just mean that the only moment we're together- _together,_ is when we're alone.. I want dates and kisses, I want The whole package, Tay."

"I feel you, Jude.. I really do."

She sighed against Jude's shoulder before excusing herself.

"I need to pee."

"Very classy."

The moment she left, leaving Jude on its own device, he was immediately approached by Connor who looked at him with a frisky spark in his eyes. He felt his hand slightly pinch his hips before walking past him, heading towards the rail of stairs and Jude _knew it was his cue._

_The slut-signal._

That's how he'd named it.

He gave a resigned sigh actually considering to not show up.

It had happened three times by now and the thought of lashing out, to say everything he wanted to say and come clean about what he felt never left his mind throughout the sexiest sounds Connor left into his mouth as they made out in his old bedroom.

“You okay?”

  
Taylor reappeared from the bathroom and she looked at him with concerned eyes.

“Um. Yeah, I'm okay..” Jude cracked a not really convincing smile as he added. “I'm going to pee, too.”

Taylor's gaze pierced through him for the longest time and Jude knew, just from the look on her face, that she hadn't bought it.

“Jude..”

  
“I'm gonna talk to him.”

“You better. I'm just saying this because I don't want you to get hurt."

  
Jude knew it and he knew he deserved more, he just wished Connor felt the same.

He stepped into the familiar room and he found himself being pushed against the wooden door, “Hey you.”  
It gave him a physical pain settling into his chest as soon as he was met by Connor's blinding smile.

“Hey...”

Connor of course noticed that something was off.

“You okay?”

  
Jude exhaled sharply through his nose as he debated within himself if that was the right time to have that kind of conversations, you know, considering the hard rock erection pressed against his thigh or Connor's mouth so damn inviting, just an inch apart from his own.

He gave a soft moan before tasting them with his own.

It was like a drug and despite the blankness of his brain and the adrenaline pumping through his veins, Jude couldn't exactly turn off the voice playing into his mind like a loop screaming at him that he was acting like a hoe.

“Fuck.. Jude..” Connor's mouth and tongue were driving him crazy and according to the desperate mewls of pleasure he left into his mouth, Connor must have noticed how badly Jude was desperate for him.

“Fuck.. I want to take you in my mouth.”

  
“Jesus.” Jude moans as soon as Connor's hand trailed down his chest from underneath the soft cotton shirt he was wearing and it formed goosebumps on its wake.

His eyes fell close as he moved his hips against Connor, he felt so hot all over and it needed more.. more of his touch, more of his mouth..

“More.”

Connor gasped against his neck where he was sucking bites and he pushed himself even further against Jude, who was panting eyes close and sweats running down his neck.

“You want more?” He asked with soft voice as he kept his ministration all over Jude's neck who moved his head to the side, craving more of the marvelous sensation that was Connor's lips on his skin.

Jude was completely lost. He nodded frantically and when Connor's hand fumbled with the bottom of his jeans he felt his body going on fire.

“Yes.. yes, Con.”

Connor didn't say a word, he just complied to Jude's request. He zipped down his jeans and pulled it down to his ankles.

“You want me to take you in my mouth?”  
Jude hadn't the right amount of functionning brain cells to give voice to his thoughts so he just nodded his head.

His eyes snapped open as soon as he felt Connor kneeling down, his warm hands pulling down his underwear and staring agape at the leaking erection at his mercy.

It was there, ready to use but then Connor's lustful eyes met Jude's. Jude's eyes were drawn to Connor's bulge in his pants and Connor's eyes were drawn to the door.

“Wh-”

“Fuck.”  
Connor got up in a flash, straightening up his clothes as he strode across the room and towards the door. He then looked at Jude who just stood there, completely dumbfounded and still naked.

“Are you gonna..?” Connor smirked as he shook his head.

  
“What just happened?”

 

“Something is happening downstairs, I wouldn't give a fuck but you know.. I'd like to keep this house in one piece by the time my parents will come home.”

_Oh._

Jude composed himself by pulling up his briefs and jeans and followed Connor out of the room.

He tried to ignore the tedious rubbing of his bulge against the soft cotton of his briefs as they descended the stairs.

 

He was still a bit dazed off by the steamy action happened upstairs so it really hurt when his back collided with the wall.

It all happened so fast.. It was like being hit by tornado..

"Fuck, man.. What the hell is wrong with you?!" 

His back hit the wall with such brutal force that made everyone turn around, gasping loudly as the silence fell on the room.

People started gathering around them like they were assisting to some freak show and It's not like Jude was expecting someone, anyone to rescue him but it was still fucking disappointing for him that everyone was witnessing Jason beating the crap out of him rather than holding out one hand and help him.

"What the hell?" He repeated Jude's words through gritted teeth, his stinky breath hitting him in the face.

"Have you told her to break up with me?! That's why she ended up things with me, isn't it? Because you.. Disgusting.. Asshole told her to."

"Taylor has her own brain. She makes her own decision."

His eyes flashed red as he tightened the grip of his hand on Jude's neck.

“I can't breathe..”

"I know you encouraged her into making the decision she made." He grunted against Jude's face as he stepped closer. There was barely a inch between their bodies and Jude, prayed in that moment either for someone to save him or to just get over with it.

 He fought the urge to not look, but he was weak and probably on the verge of being murdered in that exact moment so Jude did and His breath caught in his throat, letting out a painful sob. Tears, until that moment gathered at the corner of his eyes, started spilling down his eyes as he was met by the sight of Connor.. Standing there eyes blown wide and terrified as an unreadable expression was flashing across his eyes.

 _"That's it, Connor."_  Jude thought. _"If you don't get over here by the next thirty seconds I swear I'm done with you."_

"You craved your revenge, Huh?" He loosened up his hold on Jude's neck, letting him go But still keeping him trapped between the wall and his body.

 _That's it._ Jude thought. A _t least If I have to die right now I'm gonna die as proud man.._

"She made the right decision, Jason."

A general "Ohhh" echoed through the room as someone started giggling and clapping their hands.

Jason pushed him once again against the wall as he said.

"What the fuck did you just say?!"

"What the hell is going on, here?" 

Taylor pushed Jason out of the way and it honestly surprised Jude, the force of Taylor's small hand hitting on his arm.

"I broke up with You because you're an epic asshole, Jason. Jude has nothing to do with it.. He's the best person in this world and..." She trailed off as tears were running down her puffed cheeks.

"And I would have broken up with you sooner if I'd known what you've done to him."

Jude saw her stepping between the two of them, pretty much using herself like a shield and Jude felt anger rising up from the pit of his stomach at that sight because he was supposed to look out for Taylor, not the other way around so he walked past her, despite the incredolous stares of people, and faced Jason.

"What Have I done to you? Tell me, I'm so fucking curious."

Then the unthinkable --according to Jude-- happened.

_"I want to know that too."_

His voice made the three of them turn around.

While being busy with roasting each other, Connor had took a stand next to Jason. Looking at him with eyes that weren't exactly sparkling with happiness at Taylor's assertion.

"I didn't do anything."

"You fucking catfished him, Jason!"

Taylor's voice was blazing as he took a stand next to Jude. Her face was completely flushed and she was breathing heavily through her nose, probably refraining herself from jumping on him.

Jude's mouth fell open as his gaze immediately shifted to Connor's face.

"Jason... You..." He trailed off, then he focused his attention on Jude asking with incredolous voice.

_"Is that true?"_

 "It is."

Jude glared at his best friend as she couldn't seem to mind her own business.

He just didn't want to add fuel to the fire but then something shfited in the course of events and Jude felt all the frustration, the anger, the slut shaming about himself, all coming to the surface when Connor didn't say a word, he just shook his head in disappointment.

Not that Jude was expecting his help, yes he was but.. _“I'll protect you”_  and all that bullshit?

And then the realization hit him square in the chest, Because that's what those were, Just bullshits. Connor could never say it back. Connor didn't love him or like him enough to stand up for him.

He had enough.

He grabbed Taylor's arm, letting out a annoyed groan as he said. “Let's go home, Taylor.”  
“Do not touch her!”

Jason pushed him against the wall once again and Jude flinched in pain, closing his eyes as he fight back tears.

He refused to cry again, he wouldn't give them that satisfaction for the second time that night.

“Jason!

“You're not going anywhere until I'm done with you.”

  
Jude closed his eyes tight as he waited for something, a kick, a fist to collide to his face or stomach.

He exhaled a loud intake of breath in anticipation of that moment to come but then when he heard someone crying out in pain, his eyes snapped open.

People started to gasp and snap pictures to post on social media.

His startled eyes flicked to Taylor who was witnessing the two boys on the floor beating the crap out of each other with eyes terrified and a hand over her mouth.

Jude's brain blacked out completely in that moment to process what had just happened, the only information he could process was that Connor Stevens was beating the hell out of his best friend and the only logical explanation to that fact was that he was doing that for him.

"Get off me, you shit head! What the fuck is going on with you?!"

_Connor Stevens was protecting him._

"Jude!" Taylor called him with trembling voice. "My dad's here, we need to go."

Jude nodded as he took a shaky step towards her.

They walked past the two of them still laying on the floor and Connor's tired eyes met Jude's. Jason breathed sharply through his bleeding nose as he noticed the exchange between their eyes. A flash of amusement grew across his features as he breathed out to no one in particular.

"So that's like that, then, huh?"

As Jude and Taylor were walking out of the door, Jude heard him saying something to Connor but He could only catch the last part of the sentence.

" .. Have you told him yet?!"

 


	13. Chapter 13.

Connor ran after him, loudly calling his name and Jude couldn't bring himself to climb into the backseats of Taylor's dad car.

"Jude wait!"

It was impossible to hold back the smile spreading on Jude's lips as soon as He'd heard Connor Stevens panting and sweating as he was running towards him, 

"Connor."

  
Connor stopped dead in his tracks just across from him, he bent down just slightly as he breathed sharply through his nose, catching his breath, then he looked up and Jude almost fainted at the depth of Connor's eyes meeting his.

"Can I drive you home?"

  
"Sure." Taylor filled in earning a deadpan glare from his best friend before winking at him and telling him to call her as soon as he got home.

 

Jude couldn't help but lift up his hand to touch the bruises on Connor's cheek feeling a twisting wave of guilt settling into his chest at the realization that Connor was hurt because of him.

"I-I'm sorry.."

"Don't be." Connor reassured him with a gentle smile on his face. Jude's heart nearly stopped when Connor took his hand, leading the two of them towards his Volvo.

The ride to Jude's home was mostly filled with awkward stares in addiction to an even more awkward silent that was suddenly interrupted when Jude noticed that they were going down an unfamiliar road.

"W-Where are we going?"  
  
Jude knew better than freak out about this, Connor was strange but definitely not a murderer, but his curiosity won him over so when Connor didn't give him a reply he just asked again.

"Are you telling me sometime today when we're going?"

Connor gave him a weird, brief, look from the corner of his eyes before pulling over his car.

 "We're at the beach."

Jude realized looking over at Connor who seemed lost in his thoughts, he looked like in trance, staring at some undefined point on his steering wheel and Jude felt himself lured to that sight.

Connor's features lit up by the soft light of the moon beaming through the car window was a sight to behold. That boy was absolutely stunning and Jude was so gone for him.

It was almost pathetic.

They hadn't been together that long, if it was even appropriate to refer to them as _Together_ , but that boy with his perfect smile and his smoking hot body... and besides that there was his humorism and dirty jokes that made Jude laugh so much or his way of making him feel safe but fragile like glass at the same time. Jude was so gone.

"I love you."

He noticed, of course he did, the way Connor's shoulders suddenly went rigid and he'd heard the short intake of breath he gave as soon as Jude blurted the holy words out. It was impossible not to.

 Connor's startled eyes found his own and they made him feel unease on a high uncomfortable level.

"You barely know me."

Jude knew what to say back to that, he'd practiced every kind of answer Connor would give to him in the imaginary scenario playing into his head, but now it was real and Jude replied to that, despite the lump forming in his throat, he found the strenght to say. 

"I want to."

Because that was the easiest and truthful thing to say. Jude wanted to know all about him, he wanted _the whole package_.

"I-I thought things were okay."

Connor's trembling words almost made Jude laugh out loud but he didn't, he hold back the incredolous laugh he held on his tongue and he said.

"Things are okay.. things are _great_ actually--"

"So.. why?"

 Those words said with such skepticism made Jude's stomach twist, his heart on the verge of stop beating. All he felt in that moment for the boy he was in love with was  _abhorrence t_ he longer he kept looking at him _like that._

"What do you mean why? Connor I told you I love you, I'm not telling you I want you to ask my hand to my father and marry me tomorrow. It's what I feel.. I-I just wanted you to know that."

"And do what exactly with that information, Jude?"

Jude's hands covered his face as he breathed sharply through his nose, fighting back those tears that were threatening to spill miserably down his eyes.

"I like you but-- "

"Okay." Jude said, still not looking at him. "Okay.. You don't feel the same way, that's okay.. there was a chance for this to happen and... just forget I said anything."

"We're not even out." Connor ignored his request to drop the subject and he sighed heavily as he ran his hand through his hair, a look of distress and panic on his face that broke Jude's heart but mostly it made him groan in frustration.

"Besides." Connor kept that mask of detachement on his face as he took a deep breath. "I don't think you actually _love_ me."

Jude let out a hollow laugh at Connor's assertion.

"Are you for real man?"

Connor shrugged as he said.

"You're just confused and it's okay, Jude to feel that way. I'm your _first-_ -" Not even Connor, who looked so confident about his own words, knew what was the most accurate definition of what they were to each other.

"My first what, Connor? Please, enlighten   me because It's been 45 days and I need to know what I am to _you._ I'm your friend? Your boyfriend--"

And then Jude trailed off because of the way Connor's eyes grew huge and scared and Jude hated to admit it but it made him realize the harsh truth.

"You know what? Never mind because I know what I am to you. I'm just your pet."

  
Connor's eyes locked with Jude as he attempted to reach for Jude's hand but Jude had some of his dignity left and he shrugged off his touch as it burnt like fire.

"N-No, Jude.. You don't even know what you're talking about. I'd never--"

"You're only willing to be with me when making out is involved." Jude explained with sad edge in his voice, his eyes filling with tears as he went on.

"We hang out when no one is around.."

He heard a painful sound leaving Connor's mouth but he just closed his eyes, shoving aside every voice playing into his head and telling him to stop humiliating himself like this.

"You look like ashamed of _this_ , of _me._ " 

At Jude's words Connor wanted to reach the crying boy sitting on the passenger seat and hold him, make him look at him, but he knew he couldn't and not just because Jude's gaze was focused on the waves crashing into the shore.

"Jude if you'd let me explain."

Connor's voice was dripping with misery as he spoke which was incredibly pathetic according to Jude. It was just a facade. If Connor was truly sorry he wouldn't have said those things.

 _He wouldn't._  
  
Jude opened his eyes, glimmered with tears in that moment, as he refused to even look at the boy causing him so much pain and in that moment when his breath was coming out short and uneven and his eyes were so clouded with tears that caused his sight to be blurred and unclear, the realization hit him square in the chest.

_"I Can't do this anymore."_

 "Jude."

Connor's voice sounded so full of pain that Jude would throw a fist into his face in that moment.  He didn't get to be the   _hurt_  one in this, Jude thought and even if he was sorry, that conversation made him realize -- despite the pain that it had caused to him-- that that thing, whataver that was, didn't suit Jude anymore.

He needed more, he deserved more.

"I can't be--" and then a sad laugh escaped his lips as he rolled his eyes. "I don't know how to phrase this because every single definition I have about us it just doesn't fit so I'll be very direct." 

He opened the door of the car and when Connor's hand wrapped around his wrist and his wrecked voice asked him where he was going Jude said.

"I'm walking home." And then since Connor wouldn't get the message he decided to made it clear with words.

"We're done."

### 

 

Connor Stevens had never cried over a girl or a boy and he'd never experienced what it felt like to have his heart shattered in million of tiny pieces inside of his chest... until that moment.

He couldn't stop the tears from falling down his cheeks as he leant back against the driver seat.

He closed his eyes breathing sharply through his nose as the truth he'd been shoving aside throughout the whole night, played like a bell inside of his head.

"Jude, I love you too."  


	14. chapter 14.

"Okay Jude, you really have to explain to me one more time because I seriously Can't--"

"I broke it off, Taylor." Jude cried from underneath the comforter, currently covering his whole body while his head was hidden beneath the pillow. He couldn't face anyone. He just wanted to be left alone but Taylor knew that it was like in times like these that he needed her the most.

"B-But how.. I mean, you were going to talk to him and--"  
  
"I told Connor that I love him." The words still felt bitter on Jude's tongue. He regretted it so much. Connor didn't deserve the way he felt, he didn't deserve his love.

"He doesn't feel the same and It's over."

"Yes.." He felt Taylor gently sitting on the edge of his bed, her hand came to rest on his back hoping that the soft touch of her tiny hand could provide some comfort.

"I know that. What I don't understand is that you knew there was a chance for him to not feel the same, is reason enough to break up with someone?"

Jude's head snapped up from beneath his pillow, his puffy red eyes stared in bewilderment at his best friend.

"Are you serious right now, Tay? He doesn't want me like that. He's not ready for a relationship, I don't know if the problem is me or his immaturity, but that's the harsh truth, Taylor. It's over. I'm over it."

"Jude." Taylor let out a soft sigh as she drew circular patterns on his back.

"We both know you're not over it. Connor's your first crush.. it's going to take some time for you to heal from it."

"Let's just not talk about him anymore" Jude's eyes were teary and pleading as he said. "Let's pretend he never stepped into my life, please Taylor.. I want to erase him from my life _for good."_  
  
"That's not how it works, Jude. You can pretend you've never met him but you'll reach a point when you'll have to deal with this."

"You look like you're over Jason.."

She gave a sad smile as she sighed. "I am really not." then tears were running down her cheeks and Jude hugged her tightly against his chest as she cried. 

  
"You're allowed to be hurt, Tay." He felt her nod against his chest as her tears were creating a wet spot on his shirt. 

"What I'm saying is, you can pretend like nothing ever happened but you'll just build up all that hurt and suppressed feelings in your chest and believe me, you'll find youself bursting out in tears for no reason."

  
"Has it ever happened to you?"

She nodded as she gave a broken laugh that vibrated against his chest.

"I was doing some grocery shopping with my mom and she asked me to grab some eggplants and everything was fine, really fine, I was laughing it off because of you know the _eggplants joke,_  and as soon as I took it into my hand.. I broke down crying."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes.. my mother was speechless. She turned around and saw me crying with that eggplant in my hand.. it was so embarrassing."

Jude couldn't hold back the wave of laughter escaping his lips. She looked up and found herself smiling widely when she noted that she'd made Jude laugh.

"It's okay to cry and lash out about how asshole Connor has been to you, totally okay."

"Look how lucky we are, bitching about our exes." Jude paused when he realized that he'd referred to Connor as his ex so he had to add. "Or for lack of better words.. _guy I've made out with."_

 

"Okay." Taylor said as she got up, reaching for her very stuffed bag and fiddling with what it contained.

"What the hell? Are you carrying a dead body in that Mary Poppins's bag?" 

She smiled brightly as she pulled out what she was looking for. She gave Jude a triumphant look as she waved what she was looking for with a cheeky smile on her lips.

"Found them! "

Jude's eyebrows furrowed as he asked. "Really, Taylor? beers and ice cream?"

"That's an interesting combination!" Taylor told him as she climbed back on Jude's bed. The two of them were resting with their back against the headboard sipping beer and eating vanilla icecream.

"You could have brought at least nutella flavour." Jude whined as he took a sip of his beer, deciding to ignore his best friend's deadpan glare.

"Why do you have to complain about everything?" Taylor sassed back as she rolled her eyes. Her tone was completely serious but with an amused smirk spreading on her lips.

He watched her raising up her beer towards his own. _"To assholes and rebirths.”_  
Jude clinked their beers together saying a very unenthusiastic. “Cheers.” in response.

They both were a bit tipsy by the time they'd finished their third beer. Taylor curled against him, her head falling against Jude's shoulder as they both closed their eyes enjoying the peaceful silence and listening to each other's soft breaths.

It was nice and for once Jude managed to just focus on the peaceful silence, shoving Connor completely out of his mind. He hoped It would stay that way. He liked that blankness in his brain, it allowed him to forget, even for the slightest moment, about every bad things happened lately.

“You know--” Taylor trailed off before giving a loud laugh, shaking her head like to clear it from the insane thought forming into her mind, but she gave him a sad smile and she told him anyway.

“if you were straight we would be an amazing couple.”

  
Jude let out a slurred laugh, thanking all the Gods in heaven he'd finished his beer because he could swear he would definitely choke on it.

“What the fuck, Tay?”

“I'm honestly jealous of people who get to marry their best friend." 

  
Jude couldn't believe the words dripping off Taylor's lip and he was too drunk to realize the damages they were going to case.

“I'm so tired of being used like that, _for sex_.”

Jude pulled off a weirded out face.

“Okay, I didn't need to know _that_ but go on.”

Taylor smiled as she kept going on her rant, her eyes were still closed when she said. 

“You would be the perfect guy for me, Jude..”

  
“Taylor..”

Jude started to realize where this was going and he needed to stop it, whataver that was.

“It's true.” His eyes opened then he realized she shifted from her spot, he found her sitting just across from him. Their eyes met and Jude felt his heart lurch inside of his chest, panic spreading through his body when she watched her cheeks turning red and scratched with tears.

Her eyes were puffy and filled with something he couldn't quite catch considering his drunken state.

“Tay.”

“You're kind. You respect me, you've always respected me. You make me laugh and I've never felt this safe with anyone else.”

His blood turned cold into his veins when she leant in. He tried to move but every muscle of his body was freezed while his brain was dizzy with alcohol caused by the beers he had before, so he couldn't do anything more than just sit there, cursing himself under his breath for not be able to do anything. He watched her close her eyes and then Taylor's lips fell against his own.

 


	15. Chapter 15.

_Jude met Taylor on the third day of school since he'd been adopted by Stef and Lena._ _He had any expectations coming as soon as he started attending Anchor Beach High infact, Jude Adams Foster wasn't your average teenager boy dealing with first crushes or first_ _symptoms_ _of rebellion. His past has left a huge scar on him and he knew it would take sometime to adjust to a normal teenager life._

_Jude knew he was different -- his moms hated that word because there was nothing in their son that made him different from the other kids-- and everyone started to think that his being so quiet, lonely and aloof from the rest of the entire student body was reason enough to mock him for that._

 

_"Hey!" Jude looked up from where he was collecting his books, been thrown on the floor by Jason's fucking scumbags._

_"What are you five?"_

_Jason's eyes flickered to Taylor's. A soft, subtle blush spreading over his cheeks as he mumbled to his gang._

_"Let's go guys."_

_Jude was panting heavily, completely flushed in the face as he did his best to hold back tears. His sight was so clouded by tears that He didn't even register the moment when the blonde girl was crouching down with him to help him collect his books._

_"You okay?"_

_Jude, for lack of breath just nodded his head mumbling a weak "thank you." In response to the concern filling her voice. He could feel her worried gaze all over him as she stood up, Holding out her hand to him._

_"Come on." She said with the most genuine smile he'd seen since the first time he'd stepped into that damn school. "Have lunch with me."_

_"People will see you... with me."_

_Jude didn't even know why he was trying to convince that kind girl to not have lunch with him. She stood up to those bullies for him. She didn't deserve to be treaded like a lepper._

_"People don't scare me."_

_And the most sincere smile he'd been given since his first day of school was reason enough to just say yes._

  
When Taylor's lips pressed against Jude's, he felt a sense of asphyxiation taking over him. It was not like he was somehow appalled by the kiss. Well, yeah, in a way he was.. It felt weird and wrong but Jude wasn't exactly grossed out because even when Taylor's lips were moving against his own he could feel that she was doing it for desperation more than for romantic purposes.

He couldn't really blame her for that seek of affection but Jude wasn't a fucking punchball. Taylor hadn't feelings for him, she knew he was gay for God sake, She knew he was heart broken, then why she was trying to deepen the kiss?

"Whoah, Okay. Taylor."

Jude pulled away with a gasp and as soon as Taylor's eyes slowly opened, they were clearly clouded by desire and Jude couldn't believe his own eyes, his heart was racing inside of his chest.

_What a mess._

"Taylor.."

  
Taylor's eyes fell close as she leant in again ready to dive once again into Jude's lips.   
"Taylor, Stop."

"Why?" Taylor asked with exhasperation in her voice that seriously made Jude roll his eyes.

"Jude, think about it--”

Jude pushed her away from his lap before letting out a short sigh of relief as she sat down at safe distance from him.

"I think you're completely wasted, Taylor, and this is the alcohol talking so--"

"No." Taylor cut him off by leaning in once again, placing  her finger on Jude's lips.

"This is me talking. I love you Jude."

Jude was tempted to laugh out loud because the whole situation so completely surreal and ridiculous that looked like a scene out of a cheap high schoolers movie, but he knew he'd be a jerk move to laugh in her face so he just tried to clear the air.

"I-I love you too. Tay." Taylor smiled blindly, she tried to lean in once again but Jude stopped her pursue by scooting a bit further from her. She obviously misunderstood what he meant he had to make sure Taylor got the right message, this time. " _Just not like that."_

Taylor looked pissed as she got up from the bed, Grunting and muttering inaudible words--maybe curses-- under her breath as she looked for her shoes.

"Taylor, you can't go home like that."

 Jude sighed as he stood up, trying to calm her down because he couldn't let her leave his house in that state. He'd never forgive himself if something happened to her.

"Taylor you're too drunk to understand what--"

Taylor jerked around with an extremely pissed frown flashing across her features.

"Would you stop saying that?!” and then with a sad smile on her face, she went on her rant with melodramatic edge in her voice. “I get it! You don't love me. Jason doesn't love me. Nobody loves me. I'm about to spend my life alone with twelve cats as my only companion."

"That's not true Tay."

Taylor stormed off the room without even say goodbye but Jude saw those tears streaming down his cheeks and his heart clenched because the most insicure part of him thought the exact same thing,well, except for the twelve cats part.

Twenty minutes later, He texted her if she'd gotten home and after another hour, she just sent him a thumb up emoji.

Better than nothing, Jude thought before closing his eyes.

 

The following day, Taylor avoided him at school.

Jude could tell by the way she tensed up and changed her direction whenever she ran into Jude's during classes and Jude's heart lurched into his chest because he felt that sad, lonely thirteen years old once again.

He saw her having lunch with Maddie at the table that was supposed to be 'theirs' and when Jude walked past them, she lowered down her head, fiddling with her hair as a distraction while he pretended to give her attention to Maddie's latest escapade with the guy she'd met at summer camp.

Jude had no one to have lunch with so He found a large three and sat underneath it as he ate his sandwich. He knew things with Taylor were going to be fine. Their friendship was endgame and that was one of the few things Jude was sure of in his entire life but it didn't mean it didn't hurt him, that awkwardness between them, and then there was Connor...

Jude shook his head as he leant backwards, resting his back against the tree. He closed his eyes trying to empty his mind off everything.

He didn't want to think. He just wanted to lay there, enjoying the cool breeze and the sounds of bird chirping but no.. suddenly his mind was filled with those images, footages of perfect smiles and steamy --endless-- kisses.

“Fuck.” Jude groaned as his eyes snapped open. Unleashed tears gathering into his eyes. “I'm such a wuss.” His chest lifted as he breathed sharply through his nose.

“It's been less than two months.” Jude spoke to himself as he raised his eyes, looking mind absently at the clear sky. “How the hell did he settle underneath my skin so badly?” He wondered as he let out a wrecked sob, his chest felt constricted for all that pressure.

It hurt, but what hurt the most was the Jude's hands were itching to reach for his phone and dial that damn number. That was the worst thing; Jude still wanted him, he still loved him. His eyes fluttered close as he thought of a scenario where Connor loved him back.

“I'm so pathetic.”

“You are.”

He jumped, startled by the sudden voice breaking his chain of thoughts.

Jason was standing few feets away from him. He felt himself shiver when took note of Jason's fractured eye socket and his swollen lip. Connor really did a number on him and he was now there to seek his revenge, Jude realized.

 _Bring it on._ Jude thought. _I have enough of this shit._

“Just so you know.” Jude said with a slight edge of threat filling his voice that amused Jason more than scare him off. “I'm not scared of you.”

Jason's bruised lip tugged up as he took a step forward. Jude gathered all his courage and stepped forward too.

“Sorry to disappoint you, asshole, you might want to reschedule that because I'm not really in a mood for tarnish my hands with your blood.”

Jude didn't blink. “So what the fuck do you want from me?”

  
“Wow.” Jason laughed as he shook his head in amusement. “Kitty has clawls.”

“Oh fuck you.” Jude rolled his eyes as he attempted to walk past him, that until Jason grabbed his arm, holding him there.

“I've heard you and Connor are a thing.”

Jude's heart constricted inside of his chest but he still manages to keep his shit together as he let out a feeble correction. _“Were.”_

"What?” Jason looked genuinely surprised. 

  
“We were a thing.” Jude snorted tiredly.

"But why is this new information for you, since you're the one setting us up? Did it surprise you, maybe, that Connor actually gives a shit about me? Were you expecting this to be just another one of your games?”

Jude felt a sick satisfaction as he watched Jason's smug face crumble as he glared at him with wide eyes and mouth agape.

After years of being bullied by Jason, it was finally Jude's moment of glory and he was intentioned to savour every bit of it.

“You know, I've always had this strange forebolding creeping over me since the moment you've introduced us, that it was just another one of your sick games. _A bet,_ Maybe and even when I mentioned to Connor that I've been catfished in the past... well, I wasn't expecting he'd be able to beat the shit out of you. I'm against violence, Jason..”

Jude shrugged off his hold from his arm, a sad smirk spreading across his face as he breathed out. “ _But hell if you deserved it.”_

Jude left him there, completely dumbfounded, His chest swelled with satisfaction as he walked back to the school. He was proud of himself for the first time in a long time.

He thought he got the last word but then he realized it wasn't over when when he'd heard Jason voice yelling back at him.

“You're such a fool! Do you really think he gives a shit about you? ”

  
Jude freezed dead on his tracks as he heard Jason's disgusting laughter fill the air. 

“ _You should go see him at his dorm! There's a nice surprise waiting for you, asshole.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dramaaaa!
> 
> "What Will Jude find if he'll go see Connor at his dorm?" Bets are open.


	16. chapter 16.

Jude didn't know how he managed to get home, that afternoon.

He realized that maybe there was some kind of guardian angel watching over him because there was no way he'd come home in one piece considering the dizziness of his head; His mind felt weirdly heavy.

Everything was spinning around him as he walked home infact People glared and told him to 'watch it' as he stumbled down the sidewalk.

“kid you okay?” Some woman shouted at him after he was nearly run over by a car as he crossed the street.

 

"Jude?" Lena's worried voice made him look up as soon as he stepped through the threshold. Their eyes met and Lena was reaching for him when she noticed that his complexion was paler than ever.

Jude's head was spinning while a sickening knot was forming into his stomach, making it difficult to breathe.

"I-I need to lie down." Jude breathed out, holding himself steady by laying against the closed door behind him.

"What happened to you?" Lena's concerned voice wasn't helping the whole situation, increasing that pain settled into his stomach to an unbearable level. He closed his eyes shut as his legs buckled making him feel like the ground was crumbling underneath his feet.

"I-I can't breathe."

He felt so weak that he wasn't even sure if he'd actually said those words out loud.

Everything was blurry and confusing but he could still feel Lena taking him into her arms _before everything went dark._

 

"Will he be okay?" A feminine voice asked. Jude couldn't quite catch who it belonged to.

"Doctor said it was just a panic attack." Another feminine voice replied as he felt someone's fingers gently moving a strand of hair off his eyes.

Everytime Jude tried to open his eyes, he shut them close again almost immediately, seized by a jolt of headache hitting him with a brutal force.

"Our son has never had a panic attack since the moment he stepped into our house, Lena." It was clearly Stef who was talking, Jude could recognize the authority dripping off her lips. "I demand to know what happened, if that scumbag--"

"Stef."

"If _Jason_ did something to our son."

"I already called his parents and they're coming to my office tomorrow morning."

"No.." 

Jude tiredly opened his eyes, letting out a short whine at the feeble afternoon's sunshine beaming through the window.

"I'm okay.."

"You're not okay, Love." Stef gently said as she carressed his hair. She sat down on the edge of his bed while Lena sat on his deskchair. Jude looked at his friend who was shyly standing next to Lena. She kept looking at the wall, at his moms, at anything but him before start playing with her fingers.

"Hi.."

Taylor looked up from her fiddling hands and she cracked a weak smile. He could clearly notice the way her eyes were sparkling with unleashed tears and felt ten thousand times worse because she'd been worried about him.

"Hey, Jude."

Stef and Lena exchanged a knowing look and the blonde woman stood up from where she was sitting.

"We'll talk about this later." She bent over to kiss his forehead while Lena smiled as she ruffed his hair.

"You scared us, love."

"I'm sorry, moms."

They both nodded before leaving the room.

As predicted Taylor bursted out in tears right after, rushing to where he was laying and gently wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him into a bones crushing hug.

"Hey...." 

Jude's arms wrapped around her waist pulling her as close as possible and she kept crying, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

"I-I'm sorry." She sobbed uncontrollably. "I've been such an ass. If I hadn't left you alone... I could have been there. You could've been hurt while walking home and I-It would have been my fault.. "

"Hey. I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself you know and You're not, by the way. This is not your fault, Tay."

"You fainted because you were stressed out and I-I shouldn't have act like I did. You had enough of drama going on and I just added fuel to the fire for my stupid behavior. "

"This is all my fault."

"Hey." Jude lifted up her chin so that he could look into her eyes when he said those words.

"I will probably stay home for a couple of days, you know how protective Stef is of me, b-but as soon as I come back it's gonna be a fresh start for us. Okay? No more Connor drama, no more talking about last night, I won't allow Jason to bull any of us and it's gonna be _you and me_ against the world. You got it?"

Taylor looked at him for a very long moment while she bit her lips. Her lips parted as to say something and Jude saw something, for the briefest moment, flashing across her eyes.

“W-”

The moment after it was gone. She shook her head, her eyebrows furrowing for a second before her face broke into a genuine smile.

Whataver Taylor was going to say, it wasn't that important apparently because she gave one of her brightful laughter as she threw herself into his arms. "Yes. I'm so fucking in, Foster."

"Okay." Jude smiled. Finally a huge weight was lift off his shoulders.

"Can I say something?"

"Of course you can."

"I avoided you at school because I was truly embarrassed about last night." Jude wanted to tell her that it was okay and he couldn't blame her for it but he waited.

"I love you and I missed you so much." She smiled warmly.  "But now being clear-headed, I can assure you that I'm not in love with you and that I'm positive we'll both find the right person for us.. and if that never happens..." Taylor trailed off with a bright laugh. " How do you feel about cats?"

 


	17. Chapter 17.

 

It had been exactly three weeks, four hours and thirty seconds since the last time he had heard or said his name but Jude learned throughout those months that shit always chases you no matter what so when Jude and Taylor went on a campus tour of UCSD there was a muted agreement with Taylor to pretend like Connor Stevens wasn't attending that school. But Obviously something screwed up that purpose.

"Jude!"

Jude jerked around at the shrill voice calling his name and he let out a sigh of relief when he saw Gary stepping forward before pulling him into a big hug.

 _Okay awkward_. Jude thought as he pulled away from the embrace.

"How are you doing?" Gary asked with a smile on his lips.

"I'm good." Jude smiled back. "This is my best friend, Taylor."

“Hello, Taylor.” Jude smiled making a mental note that since the last time he'd seen Gary, he looks a bit more-- just hated to use that word but-- less eccentric, less weird.. that thought quickly left his mind as soon as Jason's hand held Taylor's and he raised it towards his mouth.  
Taylor sent Jude a panicked look.

“The pleasure is all mine.” he said as he gently kissed, in a very chivalrous kid of way, Taylor's hand.

“Okay.. enough with greetings.” Jude said with a nervous laugh.  
“Nice to meet you..” Taylor took her hand away, staring at the spurt of saliva on her hand with a frown of disgust flashing across her features.

“Are you gonna apply here?”

Gary asked him with a hopeful light into his eyes. Jude was even less appealed to apply there, now.  
“I don't know yet..” Jude replied truthfully even though just the thought of running into Connor between classes made him feel a bit sick in the stomach. “I'm just.. _considering my options._ ”

“That's good. We have a very interesting program here at UCSD.”

“Cool.”

Gary smiled politely, not sure about what to say. Jude noticed the way his lips parted slightly and how he was playing with his hands and he hoped that Whataver Gary wanted to say, he just kept it for himself.

“Come on, Tay.” Jude wasn't willing to hear it anyway. “We should continue our tour.”

“Agree.” She smiled as she pulled back the hand sanitizer inside of her bag.

“It was Nice..” not really. “ to run into you.”  
“Same! I missed you man.”  
Jude cracked a polite smile unsure about what to say in response to that since they had seen each other three times.

“Bye.”

_Don't speak, don't speak, don't speak.._

“Since Connor's gone, I haven't seen you around here anymore.”

  
Jude's body freezed as they were already on their way to the cafeteria. His brain hadn't enough brain cells functioning at the moment to process what Gary had just told him.

“Jude.” Taylor rushed to say. “Just let's go.”

Jude didn't listen to her, he slowly turned around, finding Gary's wondering gaze looking into air.

“What have you just said?”  
“Jude.” Taylor's warning voice tried to bring him back on their route but Jude seemed pretty firm where he was as he waited for an answer.

“ _Is he gone?”_  
“Yeah..”

  
“Is he gone like dead or--”

 

“No!” Gary laughed it off like Jude had told him the most amusing joke. He watched him step forward and he found himself being pulled into a side hug. Jude was too shocked to register that Gary was hugging him.

“Jesus. No. He's not dead. He's has recieved an Erasmus Scholarship and he's studying somewhere in Spain, I think.” He gave a shrug of his shoulders and then his gaze flicked to Jude's face. “Hey, you okay? You look pale.”  
  
“Jude. Jesus. Don't listen to him, just let's go.”  
  
“W-When did he leave?”  
  
“Three weeks ago.” Gary mind absently replied to him as he pulled away from his hug. His eyes grew huge while his mouth fell open in a loud gasp as the realization hit him.

“ _Wait... didn't he tell you?”_

Jude's shocked eyes shifted to Gary's face, looking at him in a way that said. “Hello, Captain obvious.”

  
“No.”

“Jude.” Taylor's hand was folded around his arm as he dragged him away. “He's gone. You're over it.”  
  
“Yeah..” Jude was still dumbfounded as he gave a quick look from over his shoulders at Gary who stared at them with mouth agap as Taylor dragged him away to a secluded spot of the hallway.

  
“We promised.” Taylor whispered with sharp tone. “ _You promised.”_

“I can't believe he left without say goodbye.”

Taylor's harsh expression became softer for a moment. She took a deep breath taking note of Jude's distressed face before asking him with strange-- nervous-- edge in her voice that Jude was honestly too upset to awkwnoledge at the time.

“ _Would have changed anything if he did?_ ”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“No. We're through.. I-I just.. I mean you can't expect me to be happy about the fact that he left without even say goodbye.” And then when Jude's timbre of voice became higher and bitchier Taylor had to bit her lips, letting him lash everything out.

“How crappy is that, by the way? What kind of adult acts like this?” Jude was laughing but Taylor knew it was more like an histerical wave of laughter that was filling the air.

“You know what? It's better that he's gone. I will be better off without him from now on, finally out of my life for good.”

“Oh Jude..”

  
Jude covered his face behind his hands as he laughed. “I can't believe this. Three weeks. That's exactly right after we broke things off. I mean can you imagine if we stayed together and I randomly came here to visit him?”

  
Jude wouldn't stop giggling, there were tears streaming down his face for the histerical wave of laughter erupting out of his chest.

 

“Hello, is Connor in here? And Gary would be like: Ohhh, didn't he tell you? He's in Europe studying for a fucking Erasmus program. He's coming back in _two thousand-never again, thanks.”_  
And then Jude had completely sobered up when he raised his hands in the air, shouting out of his lungs.

“What kind of shit does that?!”

“He's gone.” Taylor's soft voice tried to calm him down, didn't work though. Jude was raging.

“He's gone.” Jude repeated through sharp intake of breaths.

“You're moving on.”  
_“I'm moving on.”_

“Besides..” Taylor's suddenly hesitant voice asked him. “You said it wouldn't change anything if he did, right?”

“It wouldn't but I'd at least some respect left for him.”

“Why do you care? He's not worthy. He did nothing but hurt you, Jude.”

“I know and he how amazing is that he keeps doing this from overseas?”

“He's probably screwing some spanish boy right now.”

  
Jude's raging eyes flickered to Taylor's. “What the fuck, Tay?”

She shrugged as she mumbled a weak. “Sorry-- Jude, what on Earth are you doing?”

“What does it look like to you? I'm calling him.”

Taylor's hand took a hold on his phone. “To tell Connor what, Jude? That you're still pining over him? Because that's you're still doing!”

“I'm not!” Jude retorted as he pulled back his phone into his pocket. A look of outrage on his face. “I was going to call him out on his shitty, cowardly behavior!”

“He'll think you still love him! He's gone! He left you without say goodbye. What does this boy has to do to make you understand that he doesn't give a crap about you?!”

A tense silence fell over them. Jude's mouth fell open as his face contorted as a 'what the fuck' kind of expression flashed across his face.

“Jesus, Taylor.. I swear I wasn't this harsh on you when you talked about Jason.”  
“Low blow, Jude. Low blow.”

“I won't call him.”

Taylor gave him a sad look. “Good. This is for you own good, Jude.”  
“Okay.” Jude exhaled a deep breath, letting everything go.. for now.

“Let's go check the cafeteria.”

Taylor gave a quick nod of her head as she walked few steps ahead of him.

Jude hadn't noticed, until few minutes before, the way she'd tensed up when he'd tried to confront Connor.

He knew Taylor was fierce when it came to him but she'd never bursted out like that, before and then, thinking about it, there was the whole. “Would have changed something.” question that he'd found weird even despite his state of haze.

_Something was up._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter the first half of this story is officially completed. :)  
> *it says 25 chapter In total for this fic but it could be less*


	18. Chapter 18.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As said the second and final arch of chapters starts from this chapter on, so I feel like I should warn you that there's a time jump to Jude's first year of college.

 

_Jude's first year of College : December._

 

Jude got used to that routine by now and he was aware that he couldn't wake up even if he wanted to.

A part of him certaintly didn't want to because of the combination of his plump lips trailing over his skin and his hands tracing his skin so softly that it felt like he was working on canvas.

The combination of these elements in addiction to his hard erection pressed against his thigh sent a rush of arousal spreading through his whole body and just like in a nightmare, Jude wanted to scream, But nothing came out.

"Fuck.."   
"Did you miss me?"

"Shut up." Connor's laugh vibrated against his hip as he trailed excruciatingly slowly his mouth downwards, leaving a wake of open mouthed kisses along the way.

Connor wasn't willing to _let this go_. “Say it.. say that you missed me, Jude.” with that fucking smirk on his face that Jude could easily feel as he pressed feather kisses on his leg, raising goosebumps on its wake.

“ _I-I won't.”_  
“I know you missed me.”

Jude's hips arched off the bed with a cry of Connor's name, startled by the burning fire flaring through his whole body at the sensation of his mouth wrapping around his erection.

Jude's closed his eyes letting his body to respond to Connor's mouth on him as the blond boy kept looking up at Jude through half lidded eyes.

“Connor, yes.. _oh.”_  
“Do you like it?” Connor pulled away just slightly breathing softly against the underside of his dick as he waited for Jude's reply.

Jude let out a whine of dissatisfaction at the loss of warmth around his erection. He gave a nod of his head but then, knowing what Connor wanted to know he just gave him a vocal response. He'd do everything Connor asked him..

“Yes..”  
“D-Did you miss me?”

_But not this._

When he opened his eyes, Connor was stroking his cock so painfully slow that made him whimper in anguish.

“Connor...”  
“Yes, Jude?”  
“I.. I need to come. Please.”

“You won't.” The bastard said. “...Until you _say it._ ”

 

Jude's eyes snapped open as he sat up on his bed, resting with his back against the headboard.

He covered his face behind his hands, breathing heavily as he caught his breath. He an unbearable pain in his lungs for lack of air as he'd woken up pretty roughly..

“Fucking bastard.”

He moaned as he let his body fall down on his bed. He gave a quick look around his room just to check if everything was still real, besides his sick fantasies.

“I'm at UCSD. I'm a freshman and he's gone. He's gone..” _for now,_ his brain never ceased to remind him.

 

 

“I had that dream again.” He told Taylor the following morning through their scheduled morning phone call.

“The one with _who he must not be named_?” Jude could perfectly picture the way Taylor was rolling her eyes in that moment.

“Yeah.” Jude gulped as he walked to class. He'd spotted Gary and he'd immediately changed his direction.

He wouldn't stop trying to drag him to these comics conventions..

“He keeps asking me to say that I missed him and it's so fucking stupid.. because I don't.”  
“Well there's something your subconscious might want to tell you, then.. maybe you just need to get laid.”  
“Um.. That's kind of not a problem, _anymore_.”  
Taylor's shriek of joy coming through the phone almost turned him a deaf ear.

“Jesus, Tay.”

“You did it!”  
“I did.” Jude was blushing crimson as he said. “That's what makes things painfully awkward you know? I lost my verginity with the sweetest boy on campus--”  
“That I still need to approve, by the way.” Taylor teased him with a smile clear in her voice. She'd been so happy when Jude had told her that Daniel made a move on him few months before. College was so different from High school. Jude was even happy to go to classes!

“Well duh.” Jude teased her back. “As I was saying, why do I keep having these sexy dreams?”

“Ask someone.”  
“Like who? There only thing responsible for it is my dick. Oh.” He gasped breathlessly when he felt Strong arms encircle his waist, pulling him against a really solid chest.

“Need to go, Tay.”

He closed his eyes as he felt soft lips running down his neck, the sensation was warm and lovely. Jude didn't know why he was even worrying about these dreams. It's what they were, right? _Just dreams._

“Okay. Okay. I have classes too. Bye, Jude.”

Before hanging up the phone call Jude asked her. “ Will you be home for Christmas ?”

“Sure.” Taylor told him. “My parents are going to Mauritius for the holydays so party at my place, man. ”  
“Perfect girl.” Jude smiled. “Gotta go, now.” He giggled when the same soft lips were sucking bites on his skin.  
“Bye.”

“Hey.” Jude turned in his arms with a smile on his lips when he met a pair of green eyes looking right at him.

“Good morning, cutie.”

Jude secretly hated that name but he tried his best to hid the frown of discomfort flashing across his features because no one ever called him with these kind of names --besides fag or asshole, disgusting-- or ever made him feel like this safe and unconditionally loved in the first place so Jude could roll with that.

“Hey man.”

  
Jude still had to use to the football jocks greeting him in the morning. He knew it had something to do with the fact that he was dating the most popular boy in UCSD –whose father was one of the most affluent investors-- so yeah, talking about a shift in the social spectrum-- Jude was popular, indirectly, but he was.

“Party at Katherine's, tonight. You in?” It had been three months but he still felt a bit weirded out when someone was addressing to him as person, _as friend_.  
Daniel fists bumped with their friend before saying “Sure man. Who's bringing the booze?”

“I think Madison mentioned something about beer kegs and get wasted till dawn.”

Jude laughed. Madison was John's –the jock-- girlfriend and one of the drunkest person Jude had ever met in his whole life.

“Your girlfriend is awesome.” Danield commented with a laugh, wrapping his arms around Jude's waist when he noticed the deadpan glare being thrown in his direction.

“So are you saying I'm not awesome?”

“Oh.. babe, you're more than awesome. You're fantastic, brilliant and _mine._ ”

Jude smiled clearly satisfied by Daniel's words even though he couldn't ignore the constricting pain that for some odd reasons settled into his chest.

“Hey.. you okay?”

“Yes. Um.. so.. party at Katherine's. Got it. ”

Daniel was still looking at him quizzically, clearly not buying Jude's sudden shift of conversations.

“Gosh..” Jude broke out in a cold sweat .“That's so late. I have to run to class. I'll see you tonight at Kat's okay? I'm going to study during lunch break.”

“Okay..” Daniel smiled as he leant in to kiss him on the lips. “I'll see you tonight, then.”

 

Jude felt horrible as he ran to class. He was late and _that was true_ but there was something that was buzzing him.. he didn't know what it was but he felt _something_ was about to happen that made him difficult to breathe, like a heavy rush of anxiety spreading through his body that was weighting on his chest like a rock.

 

Jude caught up with Daniel and his friends at his their friend Kat's apartment. The party was full on swing by the time he arrived. The music was so loud that made it almost impossible to hear a damn thing. He made his way through the wave of people as he looked for his boyfriend and He let out a sigh of relief when he found him sitting on Kat's couch sipping his beer with his phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder.

He felt his phone buzzing in his pants and that made him smile because Daniel was so caring and sweet with him, he was giving him his whole heart and Jude felt a little bad because he really wanted to feel the same way as him. It would only take time, they had been dating for three months so it was too soon, anyway.

ust because he'd rushed things with Connor didn't mean that he had to rush things with Daniel, they were doing things at the right pace.. They liked each other. That was what mattered the most.

“Fuck!”  
Jude's eyes fell close as he cursed under his breath. He was so lost in his thoughts that found himself crashing against a solid chest.

“Jude?”  
No.

No.

Jude refused to open his eyes.

“Is that you?”

The constricting pull in his chest was back and as Jude breathed heavily through his nose, he connected all the dots about the anxiety flooding through his body, his dreams, the dark forebolding that never ceased to be complete accurate.

He'd studied about these things after all in Psych class. How sometimes dreams are a direct connection to the unconscious mind and how During sleep, however, this conscious guard is absent, and the subconscious mind is free to run wild and express its most hidden desires.

 

“No.. no.” Jude thought as he was still standing with mouth agape and eyes closed refusing to open his eyes even though beer was still spilling down his neck.

He refused to realize that this wasn't another one of his dreams but the raw reality, instead.

“Jude.” Daniel called his name with concerned voice and he found himself smiling as he opened his eyes.

Good, Jude thought, it was just another trick of my imagination.

“Babe. You okay?”

He didn't even register Daniel's arms pulling him against his chest or his concerned eyes looking right at him. Jude's gaze was fixed on the blond boy standing few feets away from them with mouth wide open and eyes blown wide.

 


	19. Chapter 19.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to read chapter 18 before this one.

“Yes..” Jude looked up into his boyfriend eyes managing to crack a weak smile in response.

“Yes, baby, I'm okay. I've just spilled a beer all over me. That's fine.”

Daniel shook his head as he gave a soft kiss behind his ear, totally unaware of Connor's watching them like an hawk.

“Ross.”

Daniel turned his face and considering the way it contorted with embitterment the moment he met Connor's eyes it didn't take a genious for Jude to come to conclusion that there was a lot of bad blood between them.

“Stevens, nice to see you're deeming us worthy of your presence. How was Spain?”

“Good. Very sunny and warm, Ross. Thank you for your concern.”

 _Ouch._ Jude wanted to say but he kept his mouth shut ignoring the wave of shivers currently crawling up his spine and focusing on his boyfriend's heart beating fast in his chest, just against his head.

“Jude.” Connor greeted him with a smirk on his face that Jude was tempted to punch away.

“How have you been?”

“Fantastically, Connor. I appreciate your interest.”

Maybe Connor wasn't used to Jude's sassy bitch mode because after a first moment of surprise, the corner of his mouth tugged up before breaking in a bright laugh that, even if Jude was ready to deny it, made him realize that was something he'd missed to hear.

“You two know each other?”

Connor was about to reply, after he'd sobered up from the hilarity of the moment, but Jude took the ball into his court and said completely serious and honest. “We've had a fling.”

“What?” Daniel was truly surprised by that news, he looked at Jude with eyebrow raised. “Seriously? Why didn't you tell me? ”

Jude debated himself for a moment because it was out of his character but at the same time, Connor hurt him in the worst way possible and he'd been dreaming to give him a taste of his own medicine since the moment they fell apart ; Connor acted like _the thing_ going on between them was completely meaningless so he just told Daniel that. It was the truth-- according to Jude-- afterall.

“It's not like it was a love story, right Connor?” Jude asked him with pure innocence in his voice and feeling a rewarding satisfaction when Connor, clearly not knowing what to reply to that, started stuttering.

“W-Well it's not like we--”

“We had fun for a while, nothing more than that. ” Jude added casually, unaware of how his harsh tone was affecting Connor on the inside. It was not like Jude was ever going to know, infact, Giving a careful look at that scene as outsider spectator anyone would, indeed, think that Connor didn't give a damn about what Jude was saying.

He just looked at him with his classic constipated cold mask on his face seemingly completely unimpressed by Jude's words.

“Oh.” Daniel said as he gave a quick look from over his shoulders at the front door where his friend was just coming from. “I have to talk to John, I'll be right back.”

Connor gave him a long look with those hazel eyes before smiling. “Do you feel better, now?”

Jude let out a snort as he rolled his eyes. “About what?”  
“Roasting me for what exactly, Jude? You broke things off with me. Let's not forget that.”

Jude couldn't refrain the empty laugh escaping at that pathetic attempt of blaming this on him.

“Are you... Oh my God. How the hell is it my fault, now?”

“Not saying it's your fault.” Connor shrugged casually. “I'm just saying that _you_ hurt me _,_ Jude.”

“Oh fuck you, Connor. Really.” Jude knew it was one of his ways to get under his skin. That fucking smirk spreading across his face proved it and He was succeeding, infact, Jude's body was shaking for the wave of hatred firing up from the pit of his stomach.

“I mean.. if you'd let me. ” Connor leant in softly as he brushed his lips against Jude's ear causing a myriad of shivers to run down his spine.

“If it wasn't for the mess with Jason at the party, that day _we would--_ ”  
“I know what you're doing, Connor.” Jude pushed him away and Connor probably noticed the way he was flushed in the face and panting breathlessly.

Jude was basically on the verge of tears as he muttered with gritted teeth a very feeble. _“I hate you.”_

“If you hate me why you're here?”

“My friends invited me.”  
Connor smiled as he gave a quick look from over Jude's shoulders at Daniel still engaged in whataver conversation with John.

“I mean _here_ , at UCSD. If you really hated me you wouldn't be here.”

“D-Don't flatter yourself! I'm here because it has a really good program and I'm close to my family. My decision to come here has nothing to do with you and if I have to be completely honest, the only flaw I'll ever run into, is to see your face every single day.” Jude trailed off with a groan of frustration erupting out of his lips. “Why couldn't you just stay in Spain?!”

“Oh, sweetheart.. who's gonna take care of you, then?” Connor smiled as he ran his finger down Jude's neck wiping away the droplets of beer that still hadn't been drying on his skin.

“Not certainly you, Connor.” Jude resisted the urge to close his eyes at the soft touch of his finger even he was tempted to just lean in..

“Never you.”

Connor tilted his head to the side, giving him one of his longing looks and Jude couldn't help but notice that his smirk was no longer on his face. He felt kind of unease under Connor's absolutely serious look.

“We should talk, Jude.”

“I don't want to talk.” Jude moaned softly as he prayed Daniel to just chase him away.

“I just want you to leave me alone.”

Connor mischievous smile was back as he took a step backwards, looking at the mess he made.

“You really want that?”

Jude didn't know what he wanted, if there was one thing he was sure of was to not want to feel like this; _Slave of his hidden desires_.

“Y-yes.”

“Cool.” Connor countered with a wink that basically screamed troubles. _“Your wish is my command.”_

 


	20. Chapter 20

 

_It's like he did it on purpose, casually showing up anywhere Jude was.._

Connor took Jude at his words. Two weeks had passed since their encounter at Katherine's house and it looked like Connor Stevens completely erased him from his universe.

Jude was glad that Connor had finally decided to drop all of his games with him and leave him alone but there was something about all of that situation that didn't seem _right_ because he found Connor magically appearing anywhere he was, right after few minutes.

Jude ignored his pathetic attempts to mess with his head, at first..

"Are you following me ?!" 

Connor took a bite of his apple, clearly hiding his smirk behind the fruit, as he gave a soft chuckle. "Who, Me?"

"Yes." Jude was pissed off. _Shocker_. " You."

"Absolutely not." Connor said with the same playful tone. "Why would I, since I've been told to leave you alone?"

Jude sucked a deep breath, rolling his eyes as he found himself unable to refrain the tired laugh escaping his lips. "You're... You know, I'm honestly flattered that I've left such a deep void into your life that you can't seem to bring yourself to forget about me."

 "I love your sassy attitude." Connor smiled mischievously as he took a step forward. "I bet you're all fired up in bed.."

Jude closed his eyes as he inhaled a sharp intake of breath not making the slightest effort to ignore the smile in Connor's voice as he said.. "If you'd ever want to show me, you know where to find me.." 

"I think I got that part covered."

"Oh." Connor laughed as he took a step back, feeling a glow of satisfaction at the way Jude's cheeks had grown flushed. "I bet Mister Fancy pants makes you see stars in bed."

Jude's blazing eyes snapped open as he growled. "He really takes care of me, more than you ever could! Plus, that's not really any of your business.... and S-Stop following me! "

The whining edge in his voice did nothing but increase the sick safisfaction clearly evident on Connor's face. 

"As you wish, Boo."

Jude breathed a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding as Connor walked past him.

His pulse spiked up when he felt him stop, their shoulders brushing against each other as Connor leant in to whisper into his ear. "You might want to adjust your crotch.”

And then he was gone leaving Jude flushed in the face and panting as he tried to come up with something.. a reason, a logical explanation to why his body seemed to react in that way every time Connor was close.

He knew he'd gotten over his crush. It was all water under the bridge and his body shouldn't react the way he did, making him act like he was dying of thirst or something.. 

"Jesus." He panted as he adjusted his pants and sadly realizing that Connor had been right. He was hard.

He gave a quick look around himself in the almost empty cafeteria, only realizing in that moment how crazy he'd acted towards Connor because they were in a public space, allowed for every student to walk by and he accused Connor of...

"He's right." Jude murmured under his breath as he was headed to Daniel's room to study.. "I've lost my damn mind."

He wasn't doing more than his harmless mind games but they still managed to get under Jude's skin, clouding his common sense and making him act weird whenever Daniel tried to start things..

"Baby.."

Books were quickly discharged on the floor by Daniel's body pinning Jude on the mattress.

"Dan.. we need to study..."

Jude panted breathlessly as Daniel's lips left soft kisses down his neck.

"Since when you'd rather study than this?"

"S-Since I have an exam tomorrow?"

Jude knew why he was fighting this and He wasn't willing to pretend like he didn't know. 

"Come on.."

Daniel groaned against his neck before shifting up his body, laying a soft kiss on Jude's lips who opened his eyes and almost found himself being hit by a stroke when there were a pair of hazel eyes looking at him.

"I bet the prospect of studying doesn't sound so appealing, Anymore."

With that fucking laugh that kept haunting him in his dreams and _reality_.. Jude blinked, breathing heavily through his nose at the soft -- welcomed-- voice calling his name.

"Jude?"

"D-Daniel?"

"Who else would that be?"

_Right...._

"Get up."

"Wh--"

"Get off me!"

 Jude felt a sickening wave of guilt weighting over his chest as he watched Daniel's face begin to fall at the way Jude's voice had reached an hysteric edge.

"What the hell is happening?"

"I don't know." 

Jude fought back tears by closing his eyes.

"Yes you do." Daniel told him with sharp voice. "You've been weird and distance since Kat's party and I have no doubts your strange behaviour has something to do with Connor Stevens."

Jude's pleading eyes snapped open as he sat up, holding Daniel's hands who was crouched now just next to his bed looking at him with severe expression on his face.

"Are you still in love with him?"

"No!"

"Why do I feel like that's a complete bullshit?"

"I swear.. I.. I hate him!"

Daniel gave a bitter laugh, looking at Jude with eyes blank and cold. “Can't you see that?”

“See what?” Jude asked him, unable to refrain those tears to spill down his eyes.. Daniel's eyes soften just a bit at Jude's outburst.

“You hate him because you love him so much that's consuming you!”

“N-No.. Dan, I- I want to be with you.”

  
Daniel's thumb reached for the tears that were falling down his cheeks and he wiped them off, before gently stroking his cheekbone.

“Maybe.. but.. It doesn't really look like it was just a fling, you know.."

  
“I-I lied to you.” Jude admitted through a sob. “I.. I was in love with him. He's been my first crush and my first kiss and.... I loved him.”

“What happened?” Jude shifted on Daniel's bed so that the two of them could sit on it.  
“We met last year through a common friend..” Jude began to say, frowning at his own choice of words.. _friend,_ right. “He was in the closet and I was too head over heels for him so I agreed to whataver secret relationship he had in mind and it went on for two months.”  
He didn't dare to look at Daniel but he could hear the tension above them at the sharp way he inhaled and exhaled, probably getting a grip on himself but there was no reason to, according to Jude, it was ancient history the one he was telling him about.

“We've never gone out as couple, in public, we've always been hiding into his room or in his car and I fell in love with him, even though I was his secret. I still loved him and I told him..”  
“And?” Daniel's voice was as vulnerable as Jude's.

“ _Everything went to shit.”_  
“And now he's back..” Daniel pointed out with eyebrows furrowed in anticipation. Jude saw the way his face was contorted with irritation from the corner of his eyes.

“What's going on between you two?”

“Nothing.” Jude finally faced Daniel reaching for his hand and letting out a sigh of relief when Daniel didn't shift away from his touch. “Daniel, I'm not gonna lie to you.. Connor's always gonna hold a special spot in my heart. I.. I won't deny it because it has been my first love and Some people might find it ridicolous because we've only been together for less than two months but I couldn't help the way I felt.. but he's also the one that hurt me the most. He left me.. _scarred i_ n the worst way possible.”

Daniel looked away from him as he took away his hand from where Jude was holding it, directly on his heart.

“I still think about him.” Jude revealed with soft almost inaudible voice. “I look at you sometimes and I see him.”  
Daniel threw him a look that screamed 'fuck you' all over it. “How can you expect me to be okay with this?”  
“I'm not... I-I Just want to be honest with you.”  
Daniel got up, walking towards the door. Jude stood up too, knowing what all of that meant.

It's not like he was expecting hugs and kisses after that revelation but Jude felt like Daniel deserved to know nothing but the harsh truth..  
“I'm gonna be honest with you too, Jude.” He held the door open for him as he said through gritted teeth. “Get out.”

 


	21. Chapter 21.

Taylor surprised him on the 24th of december by showing up at his house.

"Hi!" 

Jude held her to dear life so Taylor couldn't refrain herself from making one of her snarky quips.

"Someone missed me." 

"I did." Jude told her as he pulled away from their embrace, giving a long look to her best friend before a wide smile spread on his lips.

"You look good, Tay."

She laughed as she rolled her eyes, flipping a strand of her curly hair around her finger.

She parted her lips then closing it again maybe realizing that what she was about to say was a _lie,_ afterall. Taylor had always been brutally honest with him.

"What the hell happened to you? _You look like shit._ "

Jude gave a nervous laugh as he rubbed his neck. "I've definitely seen better days."

"Jeez you have bags under your eyes bigger than mine. Do you even sleep?"

Jude smiled at the concern filling her voice as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in a side hug.

"I really need a coffee."

"...And ten days of sleep ." Taylor felt the need to add with a worried glare in his direction that Jude decided to ignore.

 

"So.. I think Daniel broke things off with me."

Taylor almost chocked on her coffee and Jude felt slightly guilty because he had felt the rush to say it and talk about this to someone and yes, maybe he could wait for Taylor to finish her coffee first... _whataver._

" _You think?_ "

"Yeah." Jude sighed. "I think he made very clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me.."

"But.. why?"

Jude took a deep sigh before start telling her everything.. Katherine's party, Connor's endless teasing, his dreams and finally, as he told Taylor the discussion with Daniel he couldn't ignore the way his eyes were narrowing as he kept talking..

"What?"

"I.." she gave a hollow laugh as he raised her hands in defeat. "I give up."

Jude didn't understand.

"Jude.. you..." She trailed off with a groan as she said. " Daniel's right. How can you expect someone to be okay with what you told him? Jesus, poor dude."

"I was just trying to be honest with him! I'm sorry if being honest is such a crime, these days.. "

Taylor's persistent glare was piercing right through him as she asked him. 

"When you're finally gonna be honest with yourself, then, Jude?"

"About what? "

Taylor couldn't refrain the snort escaping her lips. "Jesus Christ, your Denial is strong. Jude, You still love him, just please.. admit it once for all! "

"What if I do?!" Jude finally blurted it out, exhasperation and hurt flashing across his features. He was tired of the whole situation and he couldn't deal with feeling like this, not anymore but what could he do about it anyway? It was always the same broken record, playing over and over again.

He wanted to move on but he couldn't because there was the insurmontable mountain that was _Connor Stevens_ in his way that didn't allow him to.

Everything would be so easy if he just felt the same..

"It d-doesn't change things. It doesn't change that he doesn't feel the same way, he never did and he never will so I can as well suck it up.”

Taylor sucked a deep breath witnessing the way Jude's walls were slowly tearing down..

"What if he does?" Taylor's voice turned suddenly soft.. _scared,_ almost. 

"W-What?"

Taylor lowered down her gaze and Jude felt his heart lurch inside of his chest when she, after few long seconds she raised her face to look at him.

He was tempted to reach for her at the other end of the table and hold her best friend because seeing her like that just broke his heart.

"I did something awful."

Jude heard himself letting out a short intake of breath as everything was finally going to fall into pieces.

"I kept something from you..."

Somehow Jude wasn't surprised as he thought he would.

"Tell me, Taylor. Right now."

She reached for her bag, fiddling with the content as tears kept streaming down her face.

She pulled out a white envelope and when Jude's trembling hand tried to reach for the item she stopped him.

"B-Before you read this.. there's something I have to tell you."

"If.." Jude could barely speak in that moment. He didn't know what that envelope contained but he could sense that was something important about Connor. 

"If you're about to say that you kept this from me to protect me... Please, save it."

 "I won't then.." she said as she handed the envelope to Jude whose eyes were starting to glimmer with tears.

"H-he came to our school that day.." Taylor kept looking down at her hands as she told Jude. "The day after the party.." 

Jude closed his eyes as he memories about that day started flooding through his mind.. _the party, lust, Jason, hurt, kiss.._

"He was waiting outside of our school because he wanted to talk to you.. I-I was so mad at him and myself so I just told him to fuck off.."

"So he gave you this letter."

"Yes."

"That has never been delivered."

Jude couldn't fight the bitterness filling his voice. He couldn't believe Taylor kept this from him.

"Jude.."

"Oh come on, Taylor you can't expect me to not be completely mad about this. You-- you kept this from me."

"You said it wouldn't have changed anything! Remember?"

"It was my choice to make, Taylor! Not yours!"

"I know! okay? I'm sorry, Jude. I'm so sorry! I was just genuinely trying to protect you. I just want the best for you."  
Jude shook his head in disappoint, clenching his hands into two fists as he took deep breaths in order to keep his shit together.. He couldn't believe Taylor had kept this thing from him.

"Jude.." Taylor was crying and about to get up from her seat but Jude's eyes snapped up to Taylor's. 

"Don't." Jude breathed out. "You saw me falling apart, Taylor and... you knew this all along and you didn't tell me.. how can I even trust you after what you did?"

"Jude, He doesn't deserve you."  
"You don't deserve my trust either, Taylor. I.. I thought It was me. I couldn't resign myself for a whole year that I'd screwed things up and you---"

 

"J-Jude.. where are you going? We need to talk.."

Jude got up ignoring her pleas, emotionally unable to deal with that amount of shit in his plate at the same time and he went home, heading straight to his room.

"Okay." He sighed with voice thick with tears as he sat down on his bed, opening the envelope. "Let's do this." 

Jude cried as he read that letter, carefully taking in word after word that in its intensity looked so strange and new to him that it hardly resembled something out of Connor.

He took a deep sigh, carefully folding the letter in four parts before pulling out his phone to make the overdue call.

"Hey.."

"J-Jude?"

Jude's eyes slide shut as he heard Connor's soft breaths at the other end of the phone.

"T-There's this Christmas Eve's party tonight. "It all felt surreal. Jude couldn't believe he was about to do this. "Would you like to go with me?"

Connor stayed quiet and Jude was about to prepare himself for his rejection but Connor finally spoke again, his words were so soft that Jude barely caught them.

_"As a date?"_

"Whataver you want it to be.."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Um.. yeah."

"You don't sound too convincing. "

"Well.." Connor gave a small laugh. "I guess I'm genuinely confused.. will Mister Fancy pants be okay with this?"

Jude couldn't help the soft smile forming on his lips as Connor added with light tone in his voice. “Despite what you might heard I'm not into threesomes..”  
“No..” Jude laughed softly as he wiped off the wetness formed underneath his eyes. “Don't worry about that.”

Connor hummed softly and he asked him. “Are you okay?”

_“I want to be okay.”_

  
“Okay.” Connor replied with the same softness from before that didn't cease to send shivers down his spine..

“ Jude?”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“I can't wait to see you.”

Jude's heart was about to burst out of his chest at the fragility he could detect in Connor's voice and couldn't help himself but imagine that same soft voice reading that letter to him, word after word with the same sentiment and fragility.

The way his heart ached was familiar but new at the same time because for once, it wasn't exactly _pain_ what was causing that tug into his chest.. It was something unfamiliar but equally intense.

“Me too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we finally seeing the light at the end of this Jonnor tunnel?


	22. Chapter 22.

_Jude met Daniel two weeks before starting his first year of college at UCSD._

_He was casually flipping through the pages of random comic books at the local store and the moment he moved to reach for the next one, his hand brushed against someone's._

_He turned his face seeing a cute boy smiling shyly at him with the most adorable blush on his cheeks and the moment their eyes met neither of them, bother to notice that their hands were still touching._

“ _Sorry..”_

“ _No.” Jude smiled as he finally took awareness of their hands still touching, quickly pulling it back into his jeans pocket.. “Here. You're probably more interested in these things than I am.”_

 _The cute boy smiled at him and Jude kind of felt a jolt of electricity spreading through his whole body realizing that maybe,_ __cute boy_ _ _had also a name after all and Jude wanted to know what it was so for the first time in maybe, forever, Jude felt bold enough to make the first move._

“ _I'm Jude.”  
The boy's smile widened as he reached for his hand once again, fingers brushing against his wrist before gently shaking his hand._

“ _I'm Daniel.”_

 

 

_Jude's life had never been that exciting, in the positive kind of way because sadly he'd been through a lot throughout his whole childhood._

_The most thrilling period of his life had been hanging out with Connor and after he was gone, Jude hated to admit it, he went back to his painfully dull daily routine._

_He focused on his studies and then he finally graduated, escaping from that place that held more painful memories than happy ones._

_As his moms always made him notice. “College will be different, bubba.” and despite the initial scepticism --because Jude had lived enough awful experiences at school to made him become excessively wary for a while-- In the end he ate his words because His moms were right._

_College was different and People were actually grown up that didn't really care if he was either popular or an outcast because People liked him for being just Jude and then, when things with Daniel took a positive turnaround, he found himself suddenly being catapulted at the other end of the social spectrum._

 

_He liked Daniel, He genuinely did regardless from his lineage or his popoularity among students._

_He was aesthetically appealing with those adorable freckles that formed on his cheeks whenever he laughed, not to mention that adorable mole on his cheek or his intense gaze and the way he made him feel.. safe, out of harm's way and it's generally a good thing right? When someone makes you feel safe but that was just it, Jude just recently realized, he grew attached to Daniel because of that sense of safety that he never ceased to provide to him whenever he held him or kissed him.._

_It was a safe, a shelter, from his darkest nightmare and that was so not okay.._

 

Jude jumped backwards as soon as he stepped out of the front door of his moms house.

"Jesus, Daniel."

Daniel was standing down the steps of his porch, looking at him with eyes rimmed with tears and so much pleading... god, Jude thought, I made such a mess..

"Tell me you want to work things out with me and I'll.. overcome my issues with it. J-just tell me you care enough about me to give it a try."

Jude was honestly speechless and it might give him an immediate headache.

"Daniel.."

"You told me you wanted to be with me." Daniel's voice broke into a sob and Jude had to close his eyes in order to blink away the threatening tears gathering at the corner of his eyes.

"Daniel, I really don't know how to say this without breaking your heart because you.. gave me some of the happiest months of my life but I... finally came clean to myself about my feelings and I never stopped thinking about him.. I'm probably gonna get hurt once again but I have to know, once for all, what we left untold between us.

Jude breathed out as he wiped an hand over his forehead. "I need to know if there's an _us,_ only then I'll be able to move on. I... I know You probably hate me right now and you have every right to do it but please, try to understand that I never meant to hurt you."

"How can you be so blind?” Daniel's sudden outburst made Jude take a step backwards, his back hit the closed door behind him. “He's just playing with you! I've known him since we were four and I've never seen Connor Stevens being in love with someone and.. what makes you think it will make any difference this time? "

Jude lowered down his gaze, unable to meet Daniel's furious eyes. He had every rights to be mad at him but _not to say those things_.. he didn't know anything regarding what he was ranting about.

" _Maybe_..” Jude gave him that much. “ Or maybe not but I need to hear it from him, just then I'll know for sure."

"Y-You're giving up on a great guy for someone who left you without even say goodbye and that's what proves that he's serious about you? Are you dumb or something?!"

"Daniel, I get that you're mad but I suggest you to watch your mouth."

Daniel didn't, he raised his voice instead as he took a step forward.

"He only wants what he can't have!"

Jude felt air leaving his lungs when Daniel's hand came to grab his foreharm.

"He doesn't love you!"

 "Daniel, you're hurting me!"

"Fuck you." Daniel spit out as he stumbled backwards, a frown of disappoint flashing across his features. "You're so gonna regret it when he'll cheat on you with the next breathing thing he'll find along the way."

"Is there a problem?" They both turned around seeing Connor walking towards them. They didn't even notice he'd parked his car and he had been watching the whole 'show.'

"No, Stevens." Ross snorted as he walked away from Jude. "He's all yours. He has always been.." Daniel trailed off with a bitter laugh before addressing to Jude. "Right Jude?"

Jude stood there without say a word, his whole body suddenly drained out of energies.

He was so sick of feeling that way.. he just wanted to be happy. Why couldn't he just be happy?

Connor didn't say anything but Jude maybe sensed his body moving because his eyes shot up to Connor's.

"Let's just go.."

Connor whispered a weak 'yeah' as he understood that Jude was upset so he just gave a nod of his head, gesturing towards his car.

 

"You're mad.."

"I'm so sick of this." Jude replied as he kept looking at outside of the car window. Connor kept driving in silence but he stole glances at Jude from the corner of his eyes very often until Jude turned his face, catching Connor off guards.

"You have to talk to me, Connor." Jude sighed with tired voice . "This... _you. You_ _are driving me crazy_. I need to know everything you never said to me. I want you to expose yourself because, I swear, I suspect I'll be hit by a stroke by the age of twenty if we keep this game any longer."

Connor nodded as he pulled over his car and Jude felt his heart losing beats at the realization that it was on the same familiar spot from one year before.

"Jude.." Connor took his hands in his own, gently stroking his palm with his thumb.

"I know I'm a dick. I know I have screwed us – _you_ \-- up but I swear that I've never played games with you."

"I told you how I felt about you, in this exact spot, and you told me you didn't feel the same and then.. in your letter--"

Connor let out a short intake of breath and he tightened his hold on Jude's hands as he asked with trembling - - almost scared --voice..

"Y-You got the letter?"

"Just this morning.." 

"What? But--"

"Taylor kept it from me.." Jude said as he pulled the envelope out of his pocket. "She thought she was doing me a favour.. or like she said--” he trailed off with a bitter laugh as made air quotes with his fingers. _“she wanted to protect me."_

"From what?"

"From you, Connor!” Jude's voice was filled with exhaustation as he shouted. “From you! You lied to me that night--"

"I didn't--"

"– Saying that you don't feel the same and then write in that letter that you love me, _is a lie_ , Connor. A fucked up, colossal lie."

"Okay.. yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that.."

"You say?" Jude snorted bitterly as he opened the letter and touched with his finger tips where his tears were dried on the white piece of paper.

"You could have told me about the Erasmus program.. you could have saved me a lot of hurt. You hurt me so much."

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted what was best for you and I felt like I couldn't give it to you. But, Jude,I know It's only been a year but I feel like I'm not that person anymore.. I'm not scared anymore. I.. feel like I can make you happy if you'd let me.”

Tears were streaming down Jude's face as he whimpered. "You said right here, that you were scared of me."

Connor nodded his head as he intertwined their fingers together. "I did. Since the first moment I saw you,You scared me in the worst way possible, You've been impossible to chase off my mind and I guess It was all too much at the time; The program, knowing in my heart that I felt the same way but Have to leave, plus, the thing with my parents..."

_"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for leaving us in a bad spot.. I know what I said but I want to let you know that I feel the same way.. I've chickened out because it's scary, you know, the way you make me feel.  I'm not asking you to wait for me--"_

Jude trailed off just to tell Connor. "I would have waited for you, by the way.. " Before resuming his reading.. " But I told my parents that I'm gay and If you'll still want to.. maybe we can give _us_ another shot.”

"I'm not that good at writing letters.."

Jude laughed softly as he rested his head against Connor's shoulder.

"If everything you said in this letter is still true then this is definitely the best christmas gift I've ever recieved. "

Jude looked up when Connor's finger lifted up his chin.

"Jude will you be my boyfriend, please?"

Jude's heart was pounding so hard against his chest that he had to take some deep breaths in order to calm the erratic beats of his heart. 

He looked into Connor's eyes that were locking with his own just like a magic spell had fallen on them and Jude found himself smiling like a loon because, how could he say no to that? Now that finally, be with Connor like that _felt right._

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I can hear the angels singing too..... 
> 
> Three chapters left!


	23. Chapter 23.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter has a high rate of fluff.  
> You've been warned.

 

It was soft and chaste. A feather brush of lips, really, that despite its tenderness somehow made it the most intense kiss they'd shared yet.

“ _Connor.”_  
Connor's heart threatened to burst out of his chest at the fondness he could detect in Jude's voice and making him realize, in that exact moment, how stupid he'd been the whole time.

His heart broke a little inside of his chest at the thought that things could have gone differently if he hadn't fought his feelings and the fucked up idea he had of it, from the very beginning.

He could have made Jude -- _himself –_ happy..

“We wasted so much time..” Connor whispered against his lips as he gently stroked his thumb against Jude's cheek, raising goosebumps on its wake.

“I know...”

Connor closed his eyes as he let his brain being washed over by Jude's scent. He wished they could just freeze time and stay there, snuggled against each other on the backseats of his volvo, to make it up for all the time they'd lost.

 

“What are you thinking about?”

Connor's eyes fluttered open as found Jude's concerned eyes looking at him with a quizzical eyebrow arched up.

“ _You.”_

Jude's smile burned a hole in his heart from the intensity of it.

“Well, you looked upset so I'm assuming are not sexy thoughts.”  
Connor laughed a bit at Jude's playful tone. He tangled their fingers together, surprising in the process about how easy it was to love someone and be loved in return. It was definitely something he'd been deprived of throughout his entire childhood.

“I was just thinking that maybe things could have gone differently--” Jude rolled his eyes, his soft smile still planted on his lips as he cut whataver Connor was about to say by pressing their lips together.

“Connor. Listen to me, okay?”  
Connor gave a soft nod of his head before letting out a soft whimper. Their lips were brushing against each other as Jude spoke.

“ We probably could have handled this whole thing in a whole better way. I know that and you know that. Right?” Connor nodded as he couldn't look away from Jude's eyes, sparkling with joy.

“I was hurt..” Jude admitted through a soft sigh. “And mad.. I was really mad at you for not telling me the truth.”  
“I'm sorry.”

“I'm not saying it's justified but I can say that I get it now..” His gaze flickered from Connor's face to the letter that was peeking out of his pocket. “Y-You have never experienced what love is. Your parents never made you feel loved or taken cared of so I guess it explains why you freaked out that night.”

“I knew _I loved you._ ” Connor sighed as he gently caressed Jude's cheek through circular movements of his thumb. “I just knew that no matter how good things would get You'd run away from me because n-nobody ever loved me besides my mom.. so.. my mind was wrapped around the idea that it was something temporary, that you'd gonna get sick of me and my insecurities.”  
“I would have not.” Jude retorted with firm-- almost angry-- voice that quickly softened as soon as he met Connor's teary eyes. “ You know I would have never run away from you. You were the one pushing me away!”

“I just figured that It would hurt less that way..” Connor admitted with embarrassment and regret filling his voice. The question rolled off Jude's tongue without missing a beat.  
“Did it? ”  
“No. it hurt a lot more because I hurt the both of us in the process and I-I'm sorry Jude, you have to believe me. I-I've never played with your feelings. W-What I felt was messed up but it was real, I promise.”

Jude didn't have to think about it twice before telling Connor. “I believe you.”

He wrapped his arms around Connor's shoulders, pressing his body against his own and letting out a strangled laugh when Connor let his body fall down on the backseats, bringing Jude down with him.

“We'll be okay.” Connor whispered against his forehead as he pulled Jude against his body, seeking for the warmth and love that only Jude (and his beloved mother. ) had been able to give to him.

“I know this time we will.”

 

 

Jude couldn't help the happiness spreading across his face as he opened his presents on Christmas morning. He lifted up the red sweater for his siblings to see, eliciting a round of laughter out of everyone.

"So you like it, love?"

Jude smiled as he turned it into hands to glare at those creepy reindeers looking back at him.

It was the ugliest sweater Jude had ever seen but as soon as his gaze shifted from the sweater to his siblings and moms he noticed how every one got the same sweater just in different colours and that made that sweater ten times more beautiful.

"I love it! "

Jude told his family about the events of the previous night and he found himself getting shockingly surprised when no one  started making comments like how his heart was going to get broken again. Or make threatening quips like. "He'd better watch himself or... "

He noticed though the unperturbed gaze of Callie's eyes as Mariana asked him what Gift Connor had given to him.

Jude wanted to go for a cheesy shit like 'his heart.' or something along these lines But what he said instead was the plain truth. "A letter."

"Oh... so romantic!"

"A letter with a sexy pic attached? "

Jude laughed at that. _Yeah, it would have been nice.._.

"Jesus!" His mom scolded him with a severe gaze before turning her attention to Jude.

"We're so happy for you, love. I hope everything goes as it should this time."

Jude blushed as a soft blush creeped over his cheeks. "Yeah, me too."

They suddenly heard a soft knock and the conversation got cut off as Jude got up to see who it was at the door.

Callie beat him to it, getting up first.

"I'll go."

Jude's eyebrows arched upwards as Callie threw him a weird look before heading to the door.

"What's up with her."

It was just a loud thought but Mariana rolled his eyes as she countered.

"She's just overprotective."

"Over what?"

_"Over you."_

Jude was about to ask what she meant when Callie stepped back into the room followed by a very hot Connor Stevens in his christmas sweater. 

Both of their faces broke into a joyful smile as he took in their rispective ugly sweaters. _Match made in heaven._

Jude turned around as he heard someone clearing their throat. He cleared his throat as well, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat at the sight of Connor, that God Knows how was able to look deliriously hot in a ugly sweater and he took his hand before facing his family, a bashful smile on his lips as he introduced him to his moms and siblings.

"So... people, this is Connor Stevens." And such words had never felt sweeter rolling off his tongue. _"My boyfriend."_

 

 

"Your family is amazing." After Connor had gladly accepted the invitation by Jude's moms to join them for breakfast, they headed to the living room and since then they had been cuddling on the couch.

Connor nuzzled Jude's neck as he took ashort break between one kiss and the next one. "You. Are amazing."

"Oh." Jude smiled as his eyes slowly fell shut, leaning into the soft touch of Connor's lips over his neck. "Look at you, wooing me good."

"I'll woo the shit out of you." 

"The prospect sounds intriguing."

"Starting from now."

Jude's eyes snapped open, widening just slightly as when he was met by the adorable blush on Connor's cheeks and his cute smile as he handing him a box.

"Connor.."

"I know you'll say you can't accept this."

"I can't."

"It's just a gift..."

"It's not just a gift.. I haven't bought you anything..."

Connor expected this kind of response from Jude so he knew exactly what to say to clear the air. "My birthday is on January. You'll take me out for dinner and movies so you'll get over your guilt. Now, come on. Open it."

Jude smiled as he leant in, softly connecting their lips.

"Thank you."

"You haven't even opened it yet!"

Jude laughed as he unwrapped the christmas paper off the box.

"Can't I just assume that my boyfriend has excellent taste?"

Connor smirked as he watched Jude pull out a small snow globe out of the box..

His mouth fell open as he watched the artificial snow falling down on the beautiful Madrid's miniature.

"Connor.. that's.." Jude trailed off to lay a quick kiss on his cheek. "Y ou really didn't have to give me this. I have no words. That's beautiful. Thank you!" 

"I had to." Connor rushed to say as he turned it over just slightly.

“Because it was meant to be for you for a very long time."

"Holy shit. Seriously, Connor? Y-You carved my name on this?"

Connor blushed as he rubbed his neck. "Tecnicallythe dude at the shop did that.. but yeah. It's yours."

 Jude was looking at him with huge eyes and mouth agape. He couldn't believe what was happening... The turns of events made his head spin so he just hung to Connor for dear life, who happily encircled his arms around his small frame.

"I don't know how to repay you for this."

Connor cupped his cheeks, laying his forehead against Jude's. His breath short and filled with emotion as he said. "Just love me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters to go!


	24. Chapter 24.

"So.. everything okay with you and Taylor? You guys talked things out?"

"Yeah.." Jude sighed as he leant into Connor's sweet embrace. It had been a long day, And meet up with Taylor had definitely been the icing on the top of the cake.  
He needed Connor's warmth and luckily the boy didn't need to be told twice, his arms laced around Jude's waist, pulling him impossibly close.

"We talked. She said she's sorry and she just wanted to look out for me and in a way I get it... Things between us were a mess so I get when she came from and what made her did what she did but that doesn't give her the right to keep something like that from me. It was my choice to made, not hers. I would have probably hated you less."

"Oh thanks."

Jude laughed as he lifted up his head from Connor's shoulder, meeting his hazel eyes.

"You know what I mean."

"I know." Connor was smiling and Jude was grateful that they had reached the stage when they could laugh about it. It meant they were over it and ready to start a new life, together this time. _Fully commited._

"We should meet up with her before she leaves." Connor suggested. "Grab a coffee or something."

"Sounds a very good idea, Mr. Stevens."  
A soft blush creeped over his cheeks as he let a huff.

"Don't call me that. You know how it gets me."

Jude gave a mischievous smirk as he casually lowered down his hands on Connor's clad butt cheeks, giving a not so subtle squeeze. "All hot and bothered?"

"You're evil."

Jude couldn't help but shrug his shoulders, leaning in slightly so that his mouth was at level with Connor's ear.

"I wouldn't have to shift in my evil persona if you took what's rightfully yours."

Connor pulled away with a injured moan slipping off his lips. Jude was pure evil and in another kind of situation he would have slammed the door of his room and put his dick inside his ass and just get over with it. But that was the whole point. Connor didn't want to do that, he wanted to take things slow because they'd raced last time and look how things ended?  
He wanted to take things at the right pace and in the right order this time but Deal with Jude's horniness was so damn difficult.

"Y-you're the meanest person I've ever met."

Jude laughed as he said. "How is that possible that our roles have reversed? You're the pure one and I'm the horny one. "

"What makes you think I'm not horny?"  
Connor asked with a inflection of irritation filling his voice. Damn if he was horny. He was surprised he could still fit into his pants.

"You usually chicken out whenever things are getting hotter."

Jude looked sad as he asked him, with soft hesitant voice that made Connor's stomach sink. "D-don't you want me?"

Connor closed his eyes as he threw his head backwars, letting out a heavy sigh. His boyfriend was the silliest boy of the planet.

"Jude." Never, Connor sounded so annoyed as he let Jude's name roll off his tongue.

"Really? Like... look at me!"  
Jude's eyes followed the trail of Connor's hands lowering down and gesturing to his.. _oh okay._

"Oh."  
"Yeah."

"It's just--"  
Connor cupped his cheeks looking intently into his eyes as he said.

"I want you. I.. fuck, do I need to be specific? I'm so horny that My dick is basically threatening me to detach itself off my body and be relocated somewhere else if It doesn't get some action soon."

"You should listen to your dick more often. That's a serious threat..."

Connor just rolled his eyes. "My point is, I love you and God knows what I want to do to you but I also want to wait till our moment come, okay?"

"Okay." Jude smiled. "Just.. no roses on the bed."  
"Deal."

"--And no candles. It will make it look like a vampiresque romcom movie."

"But candles are so romantic."

"Are you kidding me, right? What if  we accidentally drop one? Huh? And we're so caught up into sex that the fire spreads without us notice? The sheets on fire... our dicks! Oh God. No please, _no fucking candles._ "

"No fucking candles." Connor agreed. Damn. Jude was right. 

As he drove home, Connor couldn't shake off the thought of their conversation wondering how it would feel to be inside of Jude.

His dick twitched inside of his -- very tight-- jeans, picturing in his head the moment his dick was finally going to be enveloped by Jude's tighteness as he slided in and out of Jude's ass making him moan , completely gone as he lifted his hips off the bed, trying --and not complying-- into meeting Connor's deep thrusts that was going to made the bed creak beneath their weight..

"Oh fuck..."

Connor needed to shove those porn thoughts in the back of his mind, save them for later maybe Use them as he's safe in his bedroom and not on a crowded road while was driving a car.

He couldn't die for a raging boner. He refused to.

 

They went back to school and pretty much everyone was informed of their relationship by Daniel _'assface'_ Ross.

Neither of them gave a fuck about people's opinion so that wasn't an issue. Not at all. They kept holding hands or kiss before and between classes and lock themself into their nest, _aka_ Connor's room.

One day They made plan to meet up before lunch since classes were over for the day and as soon as Connor stepped into the cafeteria, he was met by something that made him enraged.

"What the fuck that prick wants from my boyfriend and why the fuck is he touching his-- oh. Hell no.

He walked, even though he was basically running, towards his boyfriend, hugging him from behind by sneaking his arms around his waist.

Jude let out a loud gasp of surprise and after a long second he finally relaxed into Connor's arms.

"Hey you." And then Connorplanted the biggest,  _wettest_ , sloppiest, _smacking kiss_ on Jude's cheek before nuzzling his neck, laying soft kisses here and there. "Missed you."

"Hey Connor.." Jude smiled as he found the situation pretty awkward. The boy, called Randy, immediately took away his hand off Jude's foreharm. "Randy, were you saying?"

The look on Randy's face scramed 'Abort, abort, abort!”

"Me? Um.. no.. nothing you must be mistaken."

Jude's frown deepened across his features unaware of Connor eating Randy alive with the force of his threatening gaze.

"You literally said 'hey Jude I need to ask you something.' "

"Yeah? Tell me, What were you going to ask my boyfriend, Randy?" 

He felt Jude going rigid into his arms so he kept nuzzling his neck, throwing an expectant look at the sweating boy across from them.

“I-I just wanted to ask you.. um.. I-I know you like comics book so I-I was wondering if y-you wanted to go to the local convention t-this weekend. I-I bought two tickets so..”

“Um.. Oh. L-Like on a date?”  
Randy ignored Connor's _'say yes and I'll serve you for lunch'_ look and nodded his head.

Jude laughed nervously as he said. “That's very nice of you, Randy..”  
Connor was mentally screaming, _What the fuck, Jude?_  
“ But as you can see I'm with someone.”  
“And that someone would love to go to the comic books convention this weekend, with his boyfriend.”

Jude's mouth fell open just as Randy's. “W-What?”  
“I'll buy your tickets if you'd let me.”  
“Connor.. that's not nice.” Jude rolled his eyes as he faced his boyfriend, looking at him with an unimpressed glare. “Let's go.” And then he took his hand before facing Randy.

“I'm sorry, Randy. I hope you have fun at the comics convention.”  
As they were walking out of the cafeteria, Randy ran after them.

“Wait!”  
They both turned around with unreadable expression flashing across their faces.

“H-How much are you willing to pay for those tickets?”

Connor just smirked.

  
“I can't believe you scared him so much that he's given you those tickets.”  
Connor just laughed as he rolled over on his bed, facing Jude.  
“I'd do Anything to make my boyfriend happy.”  
“You're such a dork, and don't give me that look... you know how it gets _me_.”

Connor's smirk never left his face as he climbed on top of Jude's body, taking pleasure in the way his body shuddered beneath his own.

  
“Well..” Connor trailed his hand over Jude's crotch, hearing a short intake of breath leaving his boyfriend lips when he said “Maybe we should do something about it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end, ladies and gentlemen.  
> Strap in for next chapter, the last of this fic!


	25. Chapter 25.

"Do you like that?"

  
It had been the same question over and over again as Connor drove his fingers further inside of him or kissed the warm, sensitive skin just below his bellybutton or when he wrapped his plump lips around the red, leaking head of his cock..   
Connor needed to know if it was as good for Jude just as it was for him.  
"Yeah."  
Jude was basically panting, open mouthed, as he thrusted harder against Connor's fingers scissoring him open as they followed a well measured rhythm.  
The reason behind Connor's persistent need to know if he was making him feel good was probably due to Jude's previous sexual experiences.  
He had sex with Daniel. Daniel took something from Jude that he was never going to have back and there was nothing he could do about it but make him lose his mind, cry his name out as he came, tightening his grip on Connor's hair as he took him apart with his mouth.

  
"Connor. Oh God. Your mouth."

  
Connor smirked against his hole. He pushed his tongue inside sending Jude over the edge as he drew rapid circles over his rim. 

  
"I'm.. fuck. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come." Jude sounded more alarmed than pleased about it.  
"Do it for me, Jude. That's what you wanted right? You wanted me to take you."  
"Yes. Yes. Stop, please."

  
Connor moved away from Jude's hole in a way that could only be described as abrupt and considering how Sharply Jude inhaled through his nose at the sudden loss of contact between his ass and Connor's mouth, he wasn't very pleased about it.

  
"Come here." Jude moaned as --too wrecked to open his eyes-- blindly tried to pull Connor's body back on top of him.

  
"Connor. Fuck. Come here!"

  
Connor smirked because let's be real, Jude's demanding tone was such a turn on for him.  
"I'm getting what we need."  
"Well. _I need you_ and _I'm not getting you_ so what are we even talking about here?”  
Connor chuckled as he climbed on top of Jude's body, bracketing his face between his arms.  
Jude's hand immediately pulled him down by the back of his neck, their lips meeting hot and messily.  
"I love you so much."  
"I love you too."   
They were smiling so widely that it was impossible to even kiss at the moment. It was almost sickening how much they loved each other.

  
"D-do you want to do it?"

  
Connor asked him, suddenly shy. Jude was just as embarrassed.  
"M-me? Like topping?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Um.. I actually never done that before. Daniel always was the top when we--"  
"Yeah. I got that."

  
That was the moment when they were supposed to have sex but something crossed Jude's mind and it probably flashed across his features because Connor's face contorted in a worried frown.  
"Hey.. what's wrong?"  
Jude smiled as he stroked his cheek with his thumb, refraining the urge to arch his hips against the friction created by their wet dicks rubbing against each other.

  
"I was just wondering if you're still a virgin or--"

  
"I am." Jude was actually surprised.   
"But I.. in Spain? You never--"  
"No." Connor cut him off with a kiss on his lips. "I haven't. I fooled around but I was still hoping that maybe once I came back--"  
Jude's smile was blinding and wrecked at the same time.  
"You saved yourself for me?"  
"It's just that every guy I've met wasn't as interesting or annoying or awesome as you."  
Jude's eyes fell shut as he ran his fingers through Connor's damp hair.  
"What?"  
"Nothing." Jude replied sadly. "I just wish things could have been different."  
"Me too." Connor could feel the sadness filling Jude's voice and it made his heart sink.  
This was their moment. Their special moment and they were ruining with conversations about the past. The past hurt them but made them stronger than ever.

  
"Mm listen, someone here is feeling neglected and he's suggesting us to get some action, you know, for the sake of blue balls."

  
When Jude bursted out in laughter Connor's breath itched. Jude's laughter was so beautiful and so was his smile, his pout, his annoyed frown.. _everything about Jude was beautiful._  
So when Jude told him that he wanted Connor to fuck him senseless. Connor complied.

 

They were laying in their own stickiness and in a way, yeah, that was highly disgusting but Connor's kinkiest flair had nothing to complain about because every stain of jizz on the sheets or the dried flake of white painted on their skin did nothing but confirm that _it had truly happened._  
They had sex and it had been mind blowing. Connor knew he would remember Jude's moans of pleasure for the rest of his life.  
He'd even suggested him, in the throes of the endless orgasm to record it and set it as his ringtone.  
Jude just laughed and found the strenght to punch him on his arm.

 

Everything was blissful and perfect, it was a daydream that Connor never wanted to wake up from.  
Sure there had also been fights and discussions but that what's supposed to happen in a relationship, right?  
They could fight and argue, throw each other pillows or shoes in the process but they'd always known they'd find their way back to each other because _it was just them._

  
_Who were even Jude and Connor without driving each other crazy?_

 

They knew they'd never reach their breaking point because every single moment had always led them back on track so it was happiness and fights and awesome make up sex in addiction to these moments in which they would snuggle against each other on the couch just listening to each other's breathing thinking that nothing in this world would ever make them give that up.

 

_It was impossible to even consider the option of living a life without one another._

 

_Six years later.._

 

"Baby, I'm home." Jude smiled as he lit up the candles on the romantic table he'd set up for their anniversary dinner.  
"Wow."  
Connor reached for his boyfriend, pulling him into his arms.  "Is this for me?"

"Nah." Jude snorted, laughing slightly as he said. "I'm actually waiting for Ryan Gosling to make an appearance so.. if you'd mind to go out for dinner? "

  
"Bitch."

  
Connor laughed as he shook his head. It had been six years and Jude was still able to shut him up with his damn sassiness.

"Come on." Jude laughed bright and happy. "Sit down."

"You sure?" Connor asked him as Jude pushed him towards his chair. "I wouldn't want Ryan Goslin to get jealous."  
Jude chuckled as he rolled his eyes. The air was light and playful as usual but then Jude started Rubbing his sweaty palms as he took a huge breath and Connor knew that something was up.

  
"You okay?"  
"Yeah." Jude breathed out. His voice sounded almost breathless.

"There's something I want to talk to you about." Connor's body went stiff.

"Please sit down. You're making me nervous."

Jude smiled as his cheeks turned pink, lit up by the soft light of the candles. 

"That's the whole point." Jude dropped on his knee, his breath catching in his throat as Connor almost fell off his chair.

"W-what's going on?"

Jude gave him a look that basically said. _"What do you think it's going on, asshole?"_ But due to the romantic mood he said.

"I'm here today, kneeled over you because You're the part I'm looking forward every day and, Connor, you're the love of my life.. I think you already know that."

"I-I do."

"So would you do me the honour of calling you my husband and spend the rest of our lives together, b-because you've been _the one_ for me since the day we met and--"

"Jude."

Jude's glistening eyes widened as Connor started shaking his head.

_No._

"W-W.."   
Jude got up with tears streaming down his face. There were so many things he wanted to say to Connor but his throat suddenly went clogged up. 

"I'm sorry."

  
"Y-you're sorry? Y-you—"

  
Jude was walking away from him, hands covering his mouth as to hold back the sobs breaking out of his throat. Connor got up in a beat, trying to reach for his boyfriend.

"I.. Baby I love you."

"Then why?! Why wouldn't you want to marry me? It's.. is it too soon? B-because I can wait. It's not like We're going to marry tomorrow or anything."

Connor closed his eyes, unable to watch one second more at the look of pure pain flashing across Jude's eyes and features.

  
"I.. I don't want to get married not now nor in the foreseeable future. ."

"Okay. Wow." Jude threw the black velvet box on the couch emotionally unable to deal with this draining conversation.

"Jude where are you going?"

Jude wouldn't listen to him, he locked himself in the guest room, muffling his sobs into the pillow.

_"This can't be happening."_

  
The morning after things were even more tense and awkward. Connor looked up from his cup of coffee as he watched Jude zombie-walking into their kitchen.  
"Hi."

  
Jude knew it was childlish but he couldn't bring himself to talk or be in Connor's proximity so he grabbed the milk cartoon, pouring some of it into a glass and did what he was an expert at: _close himself off the world_.

"We should talk."

"About what?"

"Jude."

Jude turned around meeting Connor's distressed eyes. He felt a sick feeling of satisfaction swelling into his chest as he noticed that Connor had dark bags underneath his eyes that --sadly-- matched his own.

"Okay." Jude sighed as he sat down at the kitchen table just across from Connor.

"Talk."

"I don't understand why is such a big deal. It's not like a piece of paper will change how we feel about each other.”

"It's not just like a piece of paper, Connor. It's.. it's the whole package. It's living the happiest day of our life, to celebrate our love with our friends and family."

"So it's just about the party? It's what this is all about?" Connor asked him flatly. Jude rolled his eyes as he shook his head.

"No. it's not just that.. it's waking up with you every single day of my life and get to call you my husband. It's grow old together knowing that never will be taking us apart. It's raise our child--"

"Whoa whoa whoa." Connor cut him off with blown wide eyes. "Child? Do you want a child?"

"Yes. Eventually I want a baby. I can't see what's wrong with that."

"Jude.. Fuck. I..I don't know how to say this.. _I don't want a child."_

That hit Jude like a cold shower.

"D-don't you want a family with me?"

"It's _this_ , Jude. This is my family. You and me."

"As boyfriends and with no babies."

Connor snorted, glaring at his boyfriend. Irritation clear and vivid all over his face.

"You make it sound like it's the worst thing in the world. I love you, you love me. That what should matter the most, Not these crap--"

"These." Jude got up as he banged his fist on the table. "Are not crap. Connor. _These crap_ as you call them are important to me!"

"Why?!" Connor was clearly annoyed by Jude's outburst So he got up, chasing his boyfriend in the living room. "Tell me why it's so important for you!"

"Because that's what I never had, Connor!" Jude shoted with wrecked voice, fresh tears running down his cheeks.

"I've never had a family. My biological mother died, my father is in Jail. I had none of _this crap_ before finding my forever family in the Adams Foster family and yes, I want babies. I want to raise them and give them a home and a family that loves them!"

"I'm not sure I can do that for you."

"Why? Just tell me why."

Connor knew that Jude was right. It made sense to him.

"I don't believe in marriage. It's.. well, My parents were married and their wedding just fell down in the toilet due to my father constantly cheating on my mom and then He met my step mom and their marriage is even more wrecked than his previous one, and it's not like I have this blissful image of siblings you know, since my step sister tried several time to get into my pants during my childhoold."

"None of that is going to happen."   
Jude took few steps forward and wrapped his arms around Connor's shoulders clearly seeing, in the way Connor was shaking, that there was a possibility to make him change his mind.

He knew they were young and he was serious about waiting but it was better to have this conversation now rather than in the next few years.

"We'll be happy. I promise you. Just.. give me the chance to prove it to you. Connor, please."

Connor pulled away, and it only took one look into Jude's eyes to make all the certainties and strenght they'd built throughout those years to miserably tear down.

"I won't change my idea as you won't change yours."

Jude had never been this scared in his entire life. 

"What does that mean?"

Connor took a step back and Jude knew that they'd reached their breaking point. It was clear like day.

"I can't give you any of these things." Connor looked away as he swallowed down the knot formed in his throat that prevetend him to say it, to make this real.

"Don't do this. Connor, j-just give me the chance to show you that not all marriages are like that, that.. that.. We can be happy. Please. Connor. Please!" Jude was basically shaking as he threw himself at Connor's feet, pleading him to give them a chance. They could do it. He had enough faith in them to know that they could make this work. Their family. He wanted one, with Connor.

"I'm sorry." Connor's voice broke into a sob "I think It's better for the both of us if we break up."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES. there's a sequel.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr. @ skyblue993  
> And twitter. @En_sky9


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